close

According to Hofmann: “Zoo Poo” for you!

By Mark Hofmann mhofmann@heraldstandard.Com 4 min read
article image -

The last time I had the opportunity to go the zoo was the Pittsburgh Zoo a few years ago.

Let me clarify that. I always have the opportunity to go to a number of zoos, but an opportunity in this case was bribery through the guise of saving money.

My wife and I along with my stepdaughter decided to go to the zoo as my mother-in law thought it would be a good idea to go as a big family group on Mother’s Day where all mother’s get into the zoo for free as well as get to ride an elephant, swim with the sea lions and even punch an emu in the face.

Eh, I maybe I’m not remembering the other freebies the mothers received on that day quite right, but I’m sure they got in for free … and I’m semi-sure about punching an emu. Either that or a group of mothers I spoke with may be wanted for cruelty to animals.

Anyway, like ink and dead fish, the Mother’s Day zoo idea just looked good on paper.

Apparently, every mother in the tri-state area decided it would be a good idea to hit the zoo that day, which caused traffic to be backed up as far as my driveway, which is located a whole other county away, and moving at the speed of stop toward the zoo.

By the time we made it to our destination and rushing through the gates to pay the admission only to use the bathroom after holding it in for four hours, we had a whopping 20 minutes to enjoy all the wonders of the zoo.

Pandas, turtles, birds and a budding urinary tract infection were pretty much the only things I had time to experience before the zoo closed.

I’ll never forget that magical adventure, and I would do it all over again rather than go to the Detroit Zoo where they were giving away buckets of animal waste.

The Associated Press reported that the first 1,000 visitors on April 14 were able to receive free buckets containing five pounds of animal manure to the Detroit Zoo’s anaerobic digester education display.

It’s educational because the anaerobic digester converts 500 tons of animal manure into methane-rich gas that helps powers the zoo’s animal hospital.

And yes, if you’re wondering, those who work at the animal hospital aren’t just wearing masks to prevent the spread of disease.

And just think, your kids always whine when they don’t receive a souvenir from the zoo, but nothing says “thanks for staring at animals while hooting and hollering to have them glance in your direction” than a bucket of their droppings, which they named Zoo Poo.

“Hey kids, do you want to go check out the anaerobic digester?” an excited father would say.

“OMG!” the kids cheer. “Is that a ride?”

“Sure … let’s go with that,” the father says. “You deserve a little something after dragging me through the spitting-camel exhibit.”

Actually, the Zoo Poo is part of the zoo’s Greenfest celebration preceding Earth Day and showcases how the zoo recycles waste…by dumping it (pun intended) onto their visitors.

One shouldn’t be surprised that this idea came out of Detroit where their hockey fans throw octopuses on the ice during playoff games, so it comes as little shock that this is how Earth Day is celebrated.

I can’t wait to see how they celebrate other holidays.

“Happy Columbus Day!” a zoo employee would say, leading a group to the aquarium. “The first one who can find dry land before a hippo eats them will receive a free compass.”

Or maybe…

“Happy Thanksgiving!” a zoo employee would say. “Here’s a knife and fork. Eat or be eaten.”

Or perhaps…

“Happy Mother’s Day!” a zoo employee would say. “You can’t punch the emus anymore, but feel free to wrestle the alligators.”

Or just maybe…

“Happy Labor Day,” a zoo employee would say. “Here’s a mop. Go clean the monkey cages. If they throw their feces at you, try to catch it with this bucket. We have to fill a thousand of these things for next year’s Earth Day.”

According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Belle Vernon. Watch Mark’s video series at heraldstandard.com and YouTube. Like and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

CUSTOMER LOGIN

If you have an account and are registered for online access, sign in with your email address and password below.

NEW CUSTOMERS/UNREGISTERED ACCOUNTS

Never been a subscriber and want to subscribe, click the Subscribe button below.

Starting at $4.79/week.

Subscribe Today