Commitment vs. Autonomy: Who is the Real Winner?
Two days ago, I had an appointment. I had been transiently thinking for over a year on the beauty and meaning of the two words I was going to get tattooed on my wrists: Kyrie, eleison.
Kyrie eleison is pronounced “keer-ee-ay ee-lay-uh-son. It is from Greek and means, “Lord, have mercy.” Growing up in the Lutheran church, the words could be found in the liturgy as an invocation. It is a way of calling upon God — namely his mercy — before imploring him to help, to hear, or to be praised.
The words kyrie eleison are deep, rich, and special to me personally. The Lord always seems to bring them up when I need to remember his mercy most.
Anyway, I made a mistake when I scheduled my tattoo appointment. My husband and I had been talking about getting new tattoos over the past few months, but we hadn’t settled on anything. It has been about 15 years since my last tattoo and maybe 10 since his. So I made an appointment without asking him what he thought.
Later, I told him about my plan and he wasn’t quite as excited about it as I was. He didn’t tell me not to go, he just didn’t like the idea. I had a few weeks until the date. I thought surely he would change his mind before then.
We spoke about it a couple times and his answer was the same. Two days before the appointment I understood that he really did not want me to get this done. So, I cancelled my appointment. My wrists are pristine.
I’m not going to lie, I was a little bit bummed. I actually want a whole sleeve of tattoos on my right arm. I’ve had the art picked out for a number of years. I do not have them but what I do have is a really awesome husband who works hard, loves me well, and protects me daily.
That husband also encouraged me strongly to quit coaching cheerleading this year. I spent three seasons building a competitive cheer program from the ground up — and, by God’s grace, succeeded. I was never a cheerleader in school, but because my daughters wanted to cheer, I learned what I could as fast as I could and I finally feel like I understand the sport. I love coaching and I love the program because it is character-building as well as competitive. There’s only one problem. I already have a full time job. I am Tim’s helper. I am Mia, Addie, Maylee, and Sonny’s mom. I am Linda’s daughter. I can do a whole lot of things and succeed, but if they are interfering with how well I can accomplish my main goals in life – raising and caring for my family — then they aren’t conducive to true success.
It’s been a hard pill for me to swallow, really, because I like independence. We all love our autonomy, don’t we? I’m sharing these things because I believe there is a great, big, huge, gigantic LIE in our culture that many people believe. That lie is that autonomy is supreme and if commitment gets in the way of our autonomy, commitment must be sacrificed on the altar of our personal freedom at all costs. This, friends, is a giant lie.
We see this tragedy every day in small and big ways. Everything from not returning text messages to how many children we should have is sacrificed on the altar of autonomy. I’m here to tell you that commitment to other people is far superior to commitment to yourself. I know it “sounds” crazy! It’s because the world’s rhetoric and false narrative on the subject is so ubiquitous and goes right along with our own selfish human desires. But, the truth is, though we are supposed to love and care for ourselves, our main goal and purpose in life is not to please ourselves. Our main goal and purpose in life is to put God and others first — says the Creator of the Universe.
Others first, not self.
I literally have to preach this to my desperately selfish self every single day multiple times. And I still make selfish choices. I preach it to my kids. I pray that God helps me put away selfish desires. He answers by giving me others to deal with who interfere with the carrying out of my selfish plans.
Listen, do not buy the lie that says you are ultimately the most important human on earth. I am here to tell you that, according to the Bible, you are not. I am not. And while we’re on the subject, you and I are most certainly NOT enough. Please, please stop with that terrible mantra. If you and I were enough, we wouldn’t need a Savior. We do. You do. I do. Everyone does. You are NOT enough. Kyrie, eleison!
When others are first, everyone wins. When others are first, people communicate instead of ignoring one another when its inconvenient or difficult to answer or dialogue. When others are first, people consider how others will feel if they act on selfish desires. When others are first, life is hard, but it is good.
Commitment is sacrificial. Autonomy is self-fulfilling. One builds character. The other builds walls. Choose wisely.