According to Hofmann: Space the nation
Whenever it’s time for a presidential election, there’s always that group of citizens who claim if so-and-so wins the presidential election, they’ll leave the country. They never do leave and wait until the next election cycle to renew that unfulfilled promise, but it’s the thought that counts.
However, if all the world leaders start to rub them the wrong way, there’s a new solution, and that’s to become a citizen of Asgardia and live on the moon … or maybe just say you’ll live on the moon.
The nation of Asgardia was founded nearly two years ago and already has a population of 200,000 citizens located around the world, a constitution, a leader, a national anthem, a flag, a coat of arms and an elected parliament; the nation plans to have their population grow to 150 million within 10 years.
Asgardia also plans to have “space arks” operating within 10 to 15 years and wants to establish a permanent settlement on the moon within 25 years, all to be funded by a citizenship fee sometime in the future along with low taxes on businesses and personal income.
That’s right. Even if you leave this planet, The Man will still find a way to tax you.
But, for the time being and much like a gym membership that you only use for the first month, it’s free to join Asgardia.
Other goals include attracting the world’s most creative citizens that may also be subject to an IQ test in the future, but so far, you can apply for citizenship online where I guess the greatest mental challenge is coming up with a password eight characters long, using uppercase and lowercase letters and including a number and a symbol.
I’m sorry, but my suspicion of this space colony full of beatnik cheapskates with a WiFi connection sounds a little too good to be true and is causing my head to tingle…or maybe that’s a stroke.
Anyway, to me, this whole thing feels like the ultimate timeshare scheme.
Sure, you can live in this state-of-the-art space colony that has yet to be built, fully funded and even the spaceships to take you there haven’t even been constructed, but I wouldn’t be surprised that you’ll have to sit through a week-long presentation at a local Merriot or Hilton hotel to invest in Florida swampland to subsidize your place on Asgardia.
Even though they refer to the non-existent transports as “space arks,” I certainly hope it’s not strictly two-by-two formation in the biblical sense.
Although I’m married, I would like to see singles hop on board, too. That’s because I remember when I was in Vegas with my cousin, who told me we can see the female Wayne Newton singing Elvis Presley’s greatest hits live for free if we pretend to be a married couple and sit through a timeshare presentation.
True story, we approached the people at the time-share kiosk and said we were interested in sitting through the time share in exchange for tickets.
“Great!” the man said, gathering up the paperwork and informing us that all we need is proof that we’re married and live at the same address.
Then we looked at each other with mild panic because, you see, Mr. Timeshare Man, we’re a lovey-dovey couple as we call each other “dear” and “honey,” and we totally live together, but circumstances beyond our control has prevented us from having a marriage license, driver’s licenses with the same address or even household bills with both our names on it.
“Oooooh, I’m sooooo sorry, but I just can’t do it without that paperwork,” the timeshare man said, and genuinely looked disappointed over not letting us sit through a presentation that even if we were qualified for, we wouldn’t apply.
In hindsight, I think if we would have accused each other of not bringing any of the required paperwork and bickered the whole time, he would have thought us married and signed us right up without proof.
That uncomfortable flirtation with incest involving my cousin aside, the experience has made me believe that man was never meant to leave Earth to reside elsewhere, so I’ll stay in the good-old U-S-of-A.
But maybe Asgardia, with its 200,000 citizens (200,000 plus 6 after this column is published) and hoards of moochers wanting a free ride in a space ark may be just enough to cause world leaders to start recognizing that people are getting fed up enough to defect to a nation in name only by way of a virtual boarding pass.
Like I said, it’s the thought that counts.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Belle Vernon. Watch Mark’s video series at heraldstandard.com and YouTube. Like and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.