According to Hofmann: A review of ‘Cobra Kai’
I have fond nostalgia for the days where movies and television didn’t have to rely on nostalgia, which brings me to my review of the online series “Cobra Kai.”
I know, I know. I’ve never written a review of a television show before, but this column needs to be dedicated to such a review for a variety of reasons.
First, as a writer, when I keep thinking about something to write, I need to drop everything from bowling balls to newborn babies to write it.
For example, this week’s column was supposed to be about when a bald man like me sees the option for “hair color” on forms or questionnaires, but that will have to take place next week as I couldn’t resist the urge to write this review.
It’s much like failing to resist penning my manifesto on two-ply toilet paper, etching names and numbers of commitment-free dating partners on the walls of restroom stalls or writing my name in the snow.
Come to think of it, a lot of my writing is connected to bathroom use in one way or another.
Second, when I heard about and constantly saw the previews for the new online television show “Cobra Kai” as a post 30-year sequel to “The Karate Kid” trilogy, I felt a need, as a kid from the ’80s, to check it out.
Third, while I may not be a “qualified” or “professional” or “knowledgeable” film/television critic, I am what’s considered to be a turnaround critic.
If you don’t know what a turnaround critic is, imagine you’re watching a movie or TV show with a group of people and there’s that one person who has to turn around to tell you something about what you’re watching.
They say stuff that’s unimportant like, “He said he didn’t use a stunt double, but you can tell he did” or the tedious like, “That didn’t happen in the book” or something obvious like, “They filmed this with a camera, and we’re watching it on a television.”
So, with my review of “Cobra Kai,” you need to know a couple of things about “The Karate Kid” trilogy.
It’s the story about Daniel LaRusso, who moves to California and ends up being bullied from the Cobra Kai karate dojo students, which, now that I think of it, is a great marketing strategy.
Daniel, wanting to stay alive, learns old-school-spiritual karate from a little-old Japanese man named Mr. Miyagi, who pretty much beat up all of Daniel’s tormentors as well as those tormentors’ mentors. It was awesome.
Hilarity ensues as Daniel wins the tournament by kicking his arch nemesis, Johnny Lawrence, in the face.
In “Cobra Kai,” Daniel has become a successful car-dealership owner and family man, Johnny is an unemployed drunk and everyone else is dead — or so I imagine. I only saw the first three episodes on YouTube and then they want you to subscribe to the company’s pay service, YouTube Red, to watch the rest, and that’s not going to fly in my book. Back in my day, YouTube was free and commercial free, so I’m sticking to that nostalgia.
So, basically, I’m going to run with a lot of assumptions as most turnaround critics do.
My overall impression of “Cobra Kai” is disappointment because the show has really gotten away with what made “The Karate Kid” special in the first place, and that’s an old man’s disregard for the law by beating the snot out of young kids.
Yes, Johnny manages to take out four high-school students in the first episode, but all he did was talk, talk, talk in the following episode.
People loved watching Mr. Miyagi throat-punch a pimply punk, face-palm a pushy Girl Scout, chop off beer-bottle tops with his hand or crotch-knee the paperboy who has bad aim.
That’s what people adored about the first “The Karate Kid” and why they didn’t really take to “The Karate Kid 2” because Miyagi had one brief fight scene and was pretty much just giving Daniel the sightseeing tour of his fishing village on their trip to Japan.
That’s why they needed a similar setup in “The Karate Kid 3” as in the first one, to put an old guy in situations where he would savagely beat up teenagers and even adults who were much younger than him. Don’t mess with a formula that works.
Now, there’s more I would like to write about “Cobra Kai,” but like time and kidney stones, I find that the urge has brutally passed.
Besides, I’ve been sitting in this restroom stall waaaaay too long and need to figure out if “unknown hair type” option on this dojo application applies to my chrome-dome situation.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Belle Vernon. Watch Mark’s video series at heraldstandard.com and YouTube. Like and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.