According to Hofmann: A rose by any other name n’at
In my early days as a newspaper reporter, I had the pleasure of interviewing Susan Powter.
For those who may not know who she is, she’s a television personality, a motivational speaker, a nutritionist and an author of several books in the 1990s to the 2000s.
For those who still don’t know who she is, she’s the lady with blonde crew-cut hair whose catchphrase was “Stop the insanity!” and after I tell people that, they go, “Oh, yeah, her!”
Anyway, she was driving to the area to promote her latest book, so her publicist contacted the newspaper to have a phone interview with her while she was en route to the bookstore event.
During the interview, when I asked her a lengthy question, she stopped and said, “I really like your accent.”
Upon hearing that, I knew the woman had just fallen madly in love with me, and I was puzzled that she thought I had an accent. I wasn’t unaware that there’s a certain noticeable twang (maybe “twungz”) to us in Southwestern Pennsylvania, but I certainly didn’t think I laid it on thick by any means.
“Oh, that’s nothing,” I said to her. “You should hear the things we say.”
Of course, I was referring to Pittsburghese, aka Pittsburgh English, aka N’at.
It’s a beautiful mix of the regional accent and words that, well, are unknown in other areas west of the Mississippi … and north, south and some – well, a lot – east.
Words and phrases like pop, chipped ham, redd-up, gum-band, hoagie, jumbo, Kennywood’s open, nebby and yinz, which is the southern “y’all” but rusty.
Well, it seems like a recent poll from the folks at Writing Tips Institute (writingtips.org) shows that 57% of folks want to make what they’re calling “Pennsylvanian” an official dialect.
First, there’s an issue with having a “Pennsylvanian” dialect, and it’s as clear as the state’s two major cities, Pittsburgh and Cheesesteak Town.
My brother lives near Philadelphia, so I visit there a few times a year. While I have no animosity toward that city, I must say most dialects and accents seem to have trickled down from New York City, making Philly sound more like New York City Jr.
Don’t get me wrong: They have a few words and phrases that they claim as their own, like “wit” or “witout,” when you want or don’t want onions on your cheesesteak, chocolate sprinkles are called “jimmies” and then there’s “jawn,” which is used as a substitute for specific words … except using it for “wit” or “witout” or they’ll kick you out of the cheesesteak stand.
The most baffling thing about “jawn” is when one Philadelphian says it, the other Philadelphian knows what they’re referencing, like the word is psychic trigger.
“How’s your jawn?”
“Pretty good, but not as significant as your jawn.”
“I know exactly what you mean.”
I’m sure there are others words, but those are the ones I heard or could find online.
And that’s where you see the problem. The landslide that is Pittsburghese would butt heads with New York City Jr. because Pittsburgh would never order something “wit” or “witou,t” as we’re a region that puts fries on salad, and I can’t imagine folks in Philadelphia wanting to adopt our dialect because they’re in a New York state of mind.
The only solution is splitting “Pennsylvanian” in two – east and west – and leaving the middle regions free to adopt whatever they want to the letter of the law.
Why the letter of the law? Well, it seems that the folks polled also stated they wanted the dialect protected by law.
How is that enforced?
Would a local grocery store in our area receive a fine if they have a commercial stating their shopping carts no longer have sharp edges doused with a toxin that causes botulism? Does a cop go to the manager and berate them?
“Sir, I understand that you used the term ‘shopping cart’ when you should have used ‘buggy,’ and that’s fineable under the N’at Act of 2023 and, on a personal note, scum like you make me sick and that’s why I wake up every morning to do this job.”
I have no issues with protecting an area’s culture and language, but languages do tend to be phased out over time as the speakers of the language die off or move away to die off and people from other places arrive and bring their region’s words and phrases with them.
That’s why we have dead languages like Latin, Coptic, Mandan and Sanskrit, to name a few, and the bright side of that dark cloud is the fact that those languages are now studied and have earned a deeper appreciation now that they’re gone.
Don’t feel bad. Just imagine your pride when a couple of philologists centuries from now uncover ancient scrolls of a husband’s to-do list and one says to the other, “What’s a ‘kolbassi?'”
“Eh, just mark it down as ‘jawn.'”
“I know exactly what you mean.”
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, “Good Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One…and Dying, Too” and “Stupid Brain,” are available on Amazon.com.