If you haven’t become sick of all things “Game of Thrones” by this point, then maybe this week’s column will put you over the edge.
Before I go any further, I know I have the word “spoiler” in the title, but rest assured I will offer no spoilers of any kind in this week’s column/review, so please read on as I give my spoiler-free spoiler review on the last season of “Game of Thrones.”
I don’t know how I would classify my relationship with the show “Game of Thrones.” I was a late bloomer as I didn’t see the first four seasons, but was curious about it as I heard many good things.
“Mark, there’s this show on HBO that has all this violence, nudity, backstabbing and a lot of characters get killed off.”
“No, it takes place in medieval times with dragons!”
“You had me at ‘place’.”
I didn’t have HBO at the time, so my brother purchased the box set of the first few seasons for my birthday, which I watched and became a fan.
Then I started watching on HBO when I had it for free for a certain period through my cable provider, who was this guy who sold me my cable box from the back of his van in an alleyway.
But then my cable provider eventually retired to a state prison, and then I had to find another cable provider who was “recognized by the Better Business Bureau” and not a “repeat offender,” but I found they charge an extra monthly fee for HBO over the already large fee for programming that’s basically me sitting through my stepdaughter’s obsessions with the Disney Channel and my wife’s obsessions with the Lifetime network.
I wasn’t that much of a “GOT” fan to pay to watch the last season, so I missed out on it. I stupidly thought that I’ll watch the last season eventually and see how it all wraps up.
However, such efforts are always a fool’s quest as you can’t avoid something that big for more than one or two days until the bombardment of media allow those little bits and pieces of plot twists and outcomes to eventually sink into your brain, and your brain connects the dots until you eventually become fully aware of what you missed.
When that awareness comes upon you, the feeling you have is a whimper of dread and a bitterness that lasts until the next news cycle finds a different way to depress you.
With that, I figure if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em and then beat ‘em harder and quicker before they can get to you.
That’s right, I totally immersed myself in spoilers of the last episode by reading, listening and watching everything online about it and rushing at people gathered at the office water cooler and shaking them down to tell me everything about it.
And, to be honest, I think I’m a better person for doing it; there’s less stress in my life by not trying avoiding everything and everyone, postings on Facebook suddenly make sense to me and I have sense of moral superiority like I have learned secrets to a cult and didn’t go through the lengthy initiation and empty my bank account to achieve it.
As for my thoughts on the last season, I was overall pleased that they stayed with some of the notable attributes that attracted me to the show —violence, nudity, backstabbing and characters getting killed off — but I felt this last season was hastily put together; that is evident with the widely-reported spotting of Starbucks coffee cups and water bottles and CGI dragons in the final cuts that made us question if we were really watching events in fictional medieval times.
The way the show wrapped up the final living characters, however, was an utter disappointment. From what I read and heard around the office water cooler, I expected more of a payoff and a little more common sense, especially after I invested a whole 12 minutes into the final season…oh, and Becky in accounting is totally stealing paperclips, but you didn’t hear that from me.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this spoiler-free review of “Game of Thrones” spoilers and keep reading for future spoiler-free spoiler reviews like my three-minute piece on “Avengers: End Game” and where Becky has been hoarding paperclips this whole time.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His book, “Stupid Brain,” is available on Amazon.com.