Do you know the date of your last tetanus shot?
It was delivered to my arm on Nov. 27, 2015 around 9 p.m. in the emergency room.
A little more than a week after I got married, we were in the kitchen cooking together and I managed to slice my finger deeply enough that I knew stitches were in the cards.
It wasn’t the first time I’d needed intervention beyond a bandage. It also wasn’t the last.
I was thrilled to see that there’s a day for people like me. On Sunday, we celebrate Kitchen Klutzes of America Day.
My family and friends will tell you I could be its spokesperson – and my qualification usually has to do with accidentally cutting a finger a kitchen knife.
I can recall four trips to urgent care and two to the actual emergency room.
Without getting into the gory details, I don’t have full feeling in the tip of my left thumb and left middle finger.
These mishaps have become a bit of a joke in our household. Should anyone hear the clatter of a knife quickly tossed into the sink followed by a generally mild swear word, they will come running to inquire if I cut myself … again.
My very kind husband says that when you cook as much as I do, there’s an exponential increase in the likelihood of cutting yourself. He’s right, but I’d bet my rate of cooking to accidental injury is higher than average.
Stitch trips aside, I’ve also perfected the art of the “you did what?” in the kitchen.
Two perfect examples that will leave you shaking your head:
Last year, while getting ready to put a baker of homemade spaetzle in Gruyere cheese sauce into the oven, I bumped an empty wine bottle and it tipped just perfectly to shatter over the food, ruining dinner. (I feel compelled to explain that I had not consumed any of the wine. It was a friend’s homemade vino, and he’d asked for the bottle back. It was sitting on the counter air drying so it could be returned.)
And this year, I had to seek treatment at an urgent care to remove (and I can’t believe I’m going to type this) a piece of paper from garlic that was embedded in my finger.
Trying to break down a whole head of garlic quickly, I put the bulb on my cutting board and smacked my hand down on it to dislodge the cloves. As I did this, I also drove a shard of the white outer paper deeply into my finger.
I used tweezers to pull it out. Two days and a swollen finger later, I realized I didn’t get it all.
The funniest part of that story, though, was the explaining to the intake person – who said she’s never cooked before – what garlic paper is.
On Kitchen Klutz Day, I think it’s only appropriate to celebrate my many kitchen accidents … and I think I’ll do that by having someone else cook.
June 10: National Egg Roll Day, National Herbs and Spices Day, National Ballpoint Pen Day
June 11: National Corn on the Cob Day, National Making Life Beautiful Day, National German Chocolate Cake Day
June 12: National Red Rose Day, National Loving Day, National Jerky Day
June 13: National Kitchen Klutzes of America Day, National Weed Your Garden Day, National Sewing Machine Day
June 14: International Bath Day, National Pop Goes the Weasel Day, National Bourbon Day
June 15: National Megalodon Day, National Smile Power Day, Nature Photography Day
June 16: National Fudge Day, Fresh Veggies Day, Wish Fulfillment Day