The Family Table: Sitting down to eat
Growing up, pretty much every night we sat around the table and had a family dinner.
There were no cellphone notification beeps, no thoughts of a tablet or computer — and it was a rare occasion that the phone our three kids have never seen (the one attached to the wall in the kitchen with a coiled cord) rang.
We sat and talked.
The conversations were about everything and nothing, and sometimes lasted well beyond when the meal was finished. My folks talked TO me — about my day, about their day, and about what was going on in the world. They patiently answered my questions, and asked them of me.
As a parent myself now, I marvel at how my mom and dad always managed to do it.
My husband’s experience growing up was similar. His mother, to this day, hosts dinner for the entire family each Sunday. Sometimes, there are only a few who come; other times, her house is filled with family and friends who’ve stopped by to share a meal and conversation.
These days, we’re raising three kiddos who are 8, 10 and nearly 16. Most days they come home with more homework than I typically had, and most days, there’s some activity to get to.
It can often feel like a race to get everyone where they need to be, and finish up all the necessary tasks before shower and bedtime. Factor in the hecticness of work days, and time for a simple meal together felt like climbing Mount Everest.
Sure, there is always a homemade meal; we just got away from eating it together. We found that weekdays rolled into weekends, and eating as a group of five had somehow become the exception instead of the rule.
Several months ago, Mike and I decided to reprioritize. We started small: Monday night family dinner.
It was the least hectic of the weekdays for us. The only regularly scheduled activity is the eldest’s drum lesson at 7 p.m.
I prioritized, making sure I made my hour-long commute home at a time that would allow us to have that meal, and we told the kids that this one day would be our standing date with all of them.
Cellphones aren’t allowed at the table, but good conversation is always welcome.
Josie has detailed pretty much every bit of Harry Potter for us; Wes, a master of trivia and lover of Pokémon, has educated us on more fun facts than I’ll ever remember; Gabe has made my brain hurt explaining chemistry and detailing the politics of being a high school student in 2016.
Like Mike and I did growing up, we talk about everything and nothing, sometimes animated from the day’s events, sometimes just relieved to be at home for the evening.
And each Monday, we talk about what dinner we’ll have the following week, letting the kids decide which meal will come next. Mexican is always a favorite, but we’ve had finger foods, breakfast for dinner, or on days when we know getting a meal on the table is going to be rough, oven-baked pizza from the store.
Our other days during the week remain hectic — there’s karate, band, jump rope team practice and school events that we adults have to balance around our work schedules and responsibilities.
When we can’t sit as five, though, we make it a point for the most of us possible to have that meal. Same thing goes on the weekend.
It’s been a great thing, and it’s helped us all grow closer.
It’s helped open up lines of communication that might not have opened up otherwise.
It isn’t about the meal, it’s about the time.
With that in mind, no recipe today — just encouragement to slow down, and make family time at the table a priority.
Jennifer Garofalo is the Herald-Standard’s news managing editor. Contact her at jgarofalo@heraldstandard.com.