Dec 16, 2016 5 min read

…By the time this column hits the news stands, there will be just nine days until Christmas. Just typing that filled me with a multitude of emotions: I am panicked because I need to finish my holiday shopping, I am stressed because there is a lot of work to be done at the Messenger before I can enjoy the holidays, and I am excited about attending several upcoming Christmas events and also about watching my son Bryson’s reaction when he finally gets to open his presents.

But those aren’t the only emotions I am feeling right now this holiday season. There are several other emotions that are impacting me that I would like spend a little more time talking about.

First, I am sad because this will be the fourth Christmas without my father. It has at times felt like his passing happened just yesterday while on other occasions it feels like forever since I was able to speak to him. After enduring such a terribly difficult time in 2012 with one medical issue after another, he was called home to be with the Lord just a few days after Christmas. And as heartbreaking as it was to have to say goodbye to him – he was, after all, my hero, my mentor and my all-time biggest role model – it was also a relief to know that he was no longer suffering.

And despite the sadness of losing him, I will always cherish the special moments that we were able to share during his final months: He got to hold my son, he got to participate in his baptism, he got to share one more Christmas with his family and one more wedding anniversary with Mom, and he got to hear his family members tell him how much we love him.

So, yes, there is sadness in my heart. But there is also awe and amazement as I think about everything he had to endure during that year, and how – despite his hardships – he never wavered in his faith and he never gave up fighting. All the way to the very end, he continued to teach me how to be strong, courageous and faithful to God. And even as the years go by, he still continues to teach me those things.

Another emotion I’m feeling right now is frustration, because my wife and I have recently come to the realization that we will not be having any more children. We have undergone quite a few fertility procedures over the years, and only one of them worked. And not to be too personal, but we have also had a couple of experiences where we thought maybe God was going to bless us with another child, but unfortunately it was not meant to be. And every time we thought there was hope, only to have that hope taken away from us, our frustration grew even more.

But the more I think about that emotion of frustration, the more I become overcome with the most important emotions of all: Gratefulness and happiness. Because I realize that I have much to be thankful for and happy about. Rather than focusing on the negative feelings that come with the disappointing failed attempts at growing our family, I have channeled that into something much, much better.

I am eternally grateful for my wife Crystal, who has not only blessed me with her heart and love for the past 26 years but also made me a better person in every way imaginable.

She is an amazing woman who works tirelessly in her capacities as a career woman, a wife and a mother. She is the most honest and decent person I have ever met, a kind soul who would give everything she had to help another person out. She raises her three children – that would be our son Bryson, our dog Lexi and of course, me – with such love and conviction that I wonder just how big her heart can physically be inside her body, because it is always filled with love for her family. And in addition to being an awesome wife and “Super Mom,” I believe she is also a saint, because she has had to put up with my nonsense for more than a quarter-century.

In short, she is everything I could have asked for in a wife and partner for life; she is my soul mate, my best friend, my rock and the best thing that ever happened to me. And I am forever grateful that God has blessed me with her.

But out of all her awesome attributes, the biggest reason that I love her so much is because on October 8, 2012, she changed our lives forever when she brought our son into the world. Earlier I said I was frustrated because only one of those many fertility procedures was successful. But the reality is, the one that DID work turned out to be our biggest, greatest bundle of joy. And I simply, absolutely cannot be frustrated about that.

Ever since I held Bryson in my arms for the very first time, every day since that I have got to experience the joys of fatherhood has been more incredible than the day before.

Most importantly, he is healthy, he is happy and he knows that his mommy and daddy love him unconditionally. And it warms our hearts knowing that he feels the same way about us.

So while it would be easy for us to continue to be frustrated that we apparently won’t be having any more children, we have decided to be grateful for, and happy about, the one that we DO have.

And since Bryson is in all likelihood going to be our only child, then we are forever thankful that we’ve been blessed with him, and that we will spend the rest of our lives doing everything we can to show him – and God- just how grateful we are for him.