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Argument spoils dinners

4 min read

Dear Annie: A few years ago, there was an argument in my husband’s family. Since then, my mother-in-law has stopped having holiday dinners. She invites only one daughter and her family.

This hurts my husband, but he will not say anything to his mother. We feel she should invite everyone as usual, and those who wish to participate will come, and those who don’t will stay away. Why punish everyone because a few have decided to carry a grudge?

Should my husband say something to his mother, or just leave it alone? — No More Holidays

Dear No More: If your husband prefers not to speak to his mother about this, then please let it go. But we have a different idea. Why not host a family gathering in your home? You can then invite whomever you choose, and Mom can either come or not come.

Dear Annie: A time ago, someone wrote to suggest that folks stop giving seniors perfume and bath salts and other products they don’t use. The big suggestion was gift cards to the grocery. I took that to heart and started giving supermarket cards to all the older folks in our family. But I’ve discovered since then that everyone, not only seniors, loves gift cards to their favorite grocery.

I used to rack my brain to figure out what to get my husband’s office staff at Christmas and began questioning what to give people we were obligated to buy for but didn’t know that well. My husband initially objected to gift cards “because they know how much you spent,” but the feedback has really convinced him it’s a great idea.

My daughters-in-law each have a favorite department store and love gift cards to those places. My grandchildren love gift cards for music, videos and games. I’ve bought gift cards to restaurants, movie theaters and gas stations, and my local supermarket sells gift cards to just about any place, which makes shopping easy. Considering the amount of time and gas it used to take me to run around town looking for bargains and buying a gift that would be returned or tossed in the back of a closet, this is less expensive than you’d think.

The other idea we have for gift giving is for kids. Instead of more dolls and toys, we give lessons: swimming, horseback riding, martial arts, piano. Whatever the child is currently doing, we simply contribute to that endeavor. They have more than enough “stuff.” — Florida Lady

Dear Florida: More and more people appreciate gift cards to stores they frequent. Of course, some people prefer something more personal, but when in doubt, gift cards are usually much appreciated. Thanks for the reminder.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Indy,” who lost her job and feels lonely. Please tell her to volunteer for hospice.

Three years ago, I lost my husband to cancer. I was all alone. I attended a local hospice grief-counseling group, and three years later, all nine of us still meet once a month for dinner.

Hospice always needs more volunteers. You don’t have to have had a loss — just a passion for people. Our hospice has 300 volunteers. Nursing homes have folks who never have visitors. Now, I have a real purpose. I can serve others, no money needed — just time and a desire. Please get involved. — Donna

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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