Man flirting with son’s gal
Dear Annie: Two months ago, I discovered that my husband had been texting and calling my oldest son’s girlfriend. My son told me about it after his girlfriend asked him, “What’s wrong with your father?” She said it began last June but claimed it was only one phone call and a few texts. It made me feel ugly and unwanted.
I suspect she is leaving out the extent of her involvement in encouraging him. This has crushed what was left of my feelings for him. He already had committed “financial infidelity” to the point where I was paying most of the bills with my small disability income. He always had some excuse for not providing any money to the household. I even had to apply for provisions from the local food pantry.
When this indiscretion happened, I finally had enough, and we are now separated. The problem is, it is very awkward for me to interact with my son’s girlfriend. Am I jumping the gun on getting a divorce? What should I do? — Crushed in Green Bay
Dear Crushed: Please stop blaming your son’s girlfriend for your husband’s inappropriate behavior. She probably had no idea how to react to his texts and calls without causing a family problem. You need to forgive her for attracting your husband. Then decide whether you are better off with or without him. If you cannot do this on your own, get some counseling.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Disgusted,” whose friends blow their noses at the dinner table.
My male friend and I went out for lunch one day, and he blew his nose repeatedly at the table. I decided that if he could be obnoxious, I would take out my dental bridge and drop it in my glass of water. It gets food in it and is uncomfortable.
I put a napkin around the glass and didn’t think it was that noticeable, but he commented how rude it was. I then said, “If you stop blowing your nose at the table, I will stop dropping my bridge in the water glass.” It has worked out well. — London Bridges
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Dear Annie: Your suggestion that hosts ask whether guests have food requirements blew my mind. We recently had an informal buffet party for 14. We had many different appetizers, some main dishes and multiple desserts.
At that party, we had a guest who chooses not to eat beef, one who cannot eat anything containing seeds or nuts, one whose diet is restricted because he is on heart medication, another who has to restrict sugar intake and probably several who want to restrict salt intake. No one starved to death. They only needed to avoid what they could not eat without making a fuss.
Our group members always contribute something to the menu, so when the vegetarian asks what she can bring, I suggest she bring a vegetarian dish. If a guest has dietary problems, it would seem that the guest should explain that enough in advance to give the hostess a chance to decide what to do about it, but then the guest should offer to contribute something that he or she can eat. Individual “orders” need to be reserved for restaurants. — Concerned Hostess
Dear Concerned: We are not talking about guests’ preferences, particularly when there is enough variety for them to find something to eat. You are right that they will be just fine. And offering to bring a dish to a buffet is often welcome. We are talking about requirements, particularly allergies that can be life threatening. For example, avoiding a dish with nuts may not be enough. Chopped nuts can leave residue that can be inhaled or contaminate other foods, causing anaphylaxis and a trip to the emergency room. Hosts need to know these things.