Ill heiress short on funds
Dear Annie: I’m in my late 50s, divorced with no children, and have acquired a fairly substantial estate. A year ago, I decided it was time to put my final documents in order. I looked to extended family members to divide my estate, but decided to test them first.
I contacted my sibling and then my cousin and then another cousin, etc., telling each that I had been very ill and had burned through all of my savings and really needed their help. I asked to borrow some money, the amount depending on the person’s ability to afford it, and promised to repay them with interest when I sold my home.
I have never had a good relationship with my sibling, but I sincerely believed that if I were ever in need, there would be an effort to help.
To make a long story short, every one of them turned their backs on me. I was shocked. And not a single one even sent a get well card or called with words of encouragement.
I haven’t heard a single word from any them since.
I also asked a trusted business colleague for a small loan, and he shocked me, as well, by trying to talk me into selling him my home for less than half of its market value.
Now I am completely disillusioned. I feel as if I no longer have a family and cannot trust anyone. I never dreamed they would all cut me off. I’ve made my decisions regarding my estate, but I need a new perspective on how to go forward from here.
Am I better off knowing the truth, or did I make a colossal mistake? — Reaping What I Sowed
Dear Reaping: It’s usually good to know the truth, but in your case, it took away your emotional security. A little delusion can allow us to live happier lives. Mistake or not, the damage has been done.
Your choice now is whether to tell these people how disappointed you are and see whether things can be resolved. We also suggest looking into volunteer and charitable work. It’s good for the soul.
Dear Annie: I have just been diagnosed with melanoma. Fortunately, the preliminary test results look favorable.
I have many moles and tend to be vigilant about them. My melanoma is on my back — not a place that gets much sunlight and not easily seen. I made a trip to my family physician to have a small pink area on my face checked. The physician’s assistant did not seem well versed in skin issues and thought it was a bug bite. She said I could see a dermatologist for a follow-up, and I’m so glad I did.
The little pink area was pre-cancerous, and as part of the exam, the doctor looked over my body and discovered the melanoma on my back.
Please remind your readers of the ABCDE symptoms of skin cancer: Asymmetry, Borders, Color, Diameter, Evolving. I also suggest checking with one’s doctor early. — Always Be Concerned
Dear Always: Thank you for the warning. Skin cancer is on the rise and can be deadly. It is easily aggravated by overexposure to sunlight or tanning beds. We hope our readers will pay close attention to changes in color, size or shape of moles anywhere on their bodies. And wear sunscreen. We’d like to keep you around.
Dear Annie: Your response to “Need Your Opinion” was fine, but this woman, who says the “love of her life” is a drug addict who mooches off of his mother and yells at her when he drinks, needs therapy to help her understand why she is drawn to abusive men and how to break the cycle.
The lesson she is teaching her daughter about adult relationships is harmful and potentially dangerous. And it wouldn’t hurt her to get tested for STDs. — Retired Therapist
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.
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