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Husband wants separate rooms

4 min read

Dear Annie: Please help me understand why my husband of 10 years is slowly distancing himself. We used to laugh, go to the movies, go out for dinner and breakfast on Sundays, but now he doesn’t want me to touch him. He has no compassion, and there’s no sex and no affection.

I’ve asked him why this is happening, and he simply says, “That was never me. I’m not the passionate person you think.” When I want to hold his hand, he wriggles away. I’m affectionate and passionate, but not smothering or overbearing. I love my husband and want to be close to him.

He goes to the casinos with male friends, but will not take me out. If I suggest going somewhere together, I get major attitude and total negativity from him. He doesn’t even want to go out for my birthday, Valentine’s Day or our anniversary. What the heck?

We now only share our address and last name. About two years ago, he suggested that we have separate bedrooms, and I agreed because I didn’t know what else to do. I’m thinking of moving out. We are like roommates with no communication at all. I have suggested counseling, but he says, “You can go. I’m not interested.” What’s going on? Any suggestions would be helpful. — Slowly Falling Out of Love

Dear Slowly: There are several possibilities. Your husband may be having an affair and his affection is saved for the other woman. He may have a hormonal problem that is interfering with his libido, and he pushes you away in order to avoid being intimate. He may be gay and only put on a show to get married and now is no longer interested in the charade. He may have a gambling problem and all of his attention is focused there. Here’s the suggestion: Get counseling for yourself. You have choices to make, and some guidance during the process would be helpful.

Dear Annie: I read with interest the letter from “Guilty Conscience,” who had decided to stay in her marriage after a fling with a married man. But she was still unhappy in her marriage and couldn’t stop thinking about her beau.

Years ago, I found myself in the same predicament. My husband and I went to counseling, but things did not improve. I, too, could not forget about the other man. One of my bosses urged me to follow my heart, so I divorced my husband and began raising my small children on my own. My lover divorced his wife, and we married a year later. We have now been happily married for 25 years. Every situation is different, but sometimes these things work out. — Happy in Alabama

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Dear Annie: I appreciate that you printed information on ovarian cancer and that September was ovarian cancer awareness month. I am writing you to find out whether you are aware of any support walks, bike rides, etc., to advance people’s awareness of ovarian cancer?

My aunt was recently diagnosed with the disease, and I have been disappointed in the lack of information. I recently moved to Sarasota and found out that the only chapter in Florida for ovarian cancer is in Tallahassee. If you have any thoughts, please let me know. — S.

Dear S.: There are various walks and rides for ovarian cancer scheduled throughout the year, although we cannot promise that any are in Sarasota. You may need to start your own. For information, support and scheduling, please look into the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund (ocrf.org), the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance (ovariancancer.org), the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition (ovarian.org) and the American Cancer Society (cancer.org/cancer/ovariancancer). Bless you for doing what you can to raise awareness of this terrible disease.

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