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Molester cries foul

4 min read

Dear Annie: When I was a teenager, one of my cousins tried to molest me when we were at our grandmother’s house. He tried to force a kiss on me and said because I was older, I should learn about sex and teach it to him. I fought him off.

I was afraid to tell our grandmother, because she would have been so upset. Grandma is gone now. The problem is, this cousin told his parents I tried to molest him. Consequently, they have treated me terribly. His mother told me she didn’t want me around her daughter because I might hurt her. She is nasty and belligerent around me, even now.

I don’t like that they have repeated this false accusation to other relatives, telling them I am a bad person. I don’t think talking to my cousin would get me anywhere. Should I speak to my uncle about what happened, even at this point in time? — Concerned

Dear Concerned: We hope you have told your parents, as well as your aunt and uncle, the truth about this accusation. It’s not uncommon for young cousins to “practice” on each other, and it’s very likely that your overly hormonal cousin was embarrassed by your reaction and blamed you to deflect his own culpability. It’s also understandable that his parents would believe him, especially if you didn’t tell your side of the story at the time. If your cousin is an adult now, he might be more amenable to taking responsibility for his actions, especially if you approach him without blame, simply asking him to do the right thing and help you clear this up.

Dear Annie: My wife and I are in our late 50s, married for 30 years, and we have no children. Several years ago, the issue of wills came up. We had different opinions on the way our estate should be divided. The end result is, we still don’t have wills or trusts set up.

I think half of the estate should go to my side of the family and half to hers. She thinks more should go to her family because there are more of them. The nieces and nephews on her side are not doing as well financially as those on my side of the family. She also has earned a larger income for most of our marriage, and I’m certain it factors into her thinking, even if she won’t voice it. I don’t believe that should even be part of the argument.

I’m of the opinion that a marriage is a 50/50 proposition, and this should be no different. My inheritance from my parents went right into our account with no question, and we always have had shared bank accounts. What do you think? — John

Dear John: You’re missing one small reality: Unless you and your wife die together, one of you will inherit from the other, at which point, the deciding vote belongs to the surviving spouse. Please consult with an attorney who specializes in estate law and can help you sort through the “yours, mine, ours” aspect of your assets and distribute them in the most equitable way.

Dear Annie: The recent letters you’ve printed about children being disruptive in church have prompted me to offer a different view.

Several years ago, I was fortunate to be in a church service (Lutheran) in Mexico, and there I saw an entirely different approach. The children were allowed to wander freely around the sanctuary, run up and down the aisles, and, well, be children. Yes, they made a little noise, but not that much, and they were actually happy to be in church, rather than viewing it as something to be endured.

Maybe it’s not the children who are the problem, but the adults who have unrealistic expectations of how children should behave. Should we not all “make a joyful noise”? — An Old Grouch

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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