Husband too nosy
Dear Annie: Is it appropriate or even normal for a husband to always ask who I am on the phone with or who just texted me? Or to stand behind me while I’m reading my email, unabashedly reading over my shoulder?
I don’t have anything to hide, but I find this behavior intrusive and annoying. Sometimes, he will even ask for details about certain parts of my conversation. I don’t dare refuse to answer for fear he will think I’m trying to conceal something. He has a quick temper and becomes defensive and angry if I question him. I hate conflict, so I just answer his questions to avoid his outbursts.
One time, my best friend confided something highly personal to me and specifically asked me not to tell anyone. When I refused to disclose this information to my husband, he got very angry, arguing that spouses shouldn’t keep secrets from one another. I don’t feel it’s wrong to keep a confidence that has absolutely nothing to do with him. He did not agree, and I ended up telling him a less-detailed version of our conversation. But I was upset that he pressured me until I conceded.
My husband doesn’t automatically report his conversations to me, and I don’t expect him to. Am I too private or is he too nosy? — Nothing to Hide but My Annoyance
Dear Nothing: He’s way too nosy. Confidences between friends or family members do not have to be shared as long as they don’t involve the spouse or the marriage. Saying that you were on the phone with “Myrtle” is sufficient information.
Some spouses tell each other every detail of every conversation, but that is up to them. In your case, your husband is badgering and pressuring you for additional information. Either he doesn’t trust you, or he needs to control you. (It’s also possible he is guilty of doing things that he doesn’t want you to know about, and this is why he is overly concerned with your phone conversations and emails.) What concerns us the most is that you feel you must constantly appease him because of his anger issues. Tell him to knock it off before he turns into a full-fledged bully and the marriage is in serious trouble. If he refuses, or if you believe his anger is dangerous or more than you can handle, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) at 1-800-799-SAFE.
Dear Annie: My wife and I are having a disagreement about how to sign cards and notes. Does the man’s name come first or does the woman’s?
I have always put my name first, but lately she says that her name should be first. So should it be “Tim and Marlene”? Or is it “Marlene and Tim?” — Your Opinion, Please
Dear Tim: Your wife is right. Etiquette says the woman’s name comes first in all cases except where the signature is “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” or some variation. Of course, not everyone cares, in which case, sign your names however you choose.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. You can also find Annie on Facebook at Facebook.com/AskAnnies. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.