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READER DOESN’T WANT TO HURT MOM’S FEELINGS ABOUT AGE

4 min read

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother was in her mid-to-late 40s when she had me. This age is a little older than some of my friends’ mothers, while much older than others. When I was in school, it’d be a topic of comparison, but now that I am an adult, age doesn’t get mentioned much. My mother is now facing health issues associated with old age, and if I ever discuss this, everyone assumes our mothers are the same age and lament about how she’s too young to be going through something like arthritis or hypertension. I change the subject whenever people express their sympathy about her health issues. I never know what to say, because although she is older, it isn’t always a justification for the health problems she is facing. Would it be rude of me to tell people that my mother is older than they’re probably expecting? I am not sure if it would be disrespectful to my mother. — Hush-Hush About Age, Salt Lake City

DEAR HUSH-HUSH ABOUT AGE: Rather than revealing your mother’s age, you may want to stop talking about her ailments. Unless she has told you it’s OK to go into detail about her health — or she tells them herself — it is not your place to tell your friends about your mother’s ailments. That is her personal business. Instead, you can be generic in your responses.

You are right that people suffer various illnesses at different stages in life, and also based on their own personal health. There may be younger people suffering in a number of ways as well. When it comes to health issues, I consider them private and personal. If the person experiencing them chooses to share, that’s fine. Otherwise, keep your mother’s health matters to yourself. When asked how is she doing, choose something positive to share, and leave it at that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids are all moved out of the nest. I am in my 50s now, and I don’t think my children respect that the house is now my private space. They do not have the keys to the house anymore, to my knowledge, but I will come home to find them and my grandkids playing in my backyard or using the open back entrance to come inside my home. I received an email from my eldest daughter saying she will be throwing a birthday party on my property soon! I love all of my babies, but they all have their own places now. I do not want to scare them away from my home, but I want them to respect that although they used to live here, this is now my private space. How can I ask everyone to respect my privacy without scaring them off? — Boundary Lines, Birmingham, Alabama

DEAR BOUNDARY LINES: You have not made the rules clear to them. Tell your children that you love for them to visit — but not without an invitation. Tell them you expect them to respect your property, which means not coming in without asking in advance, and certainly not planning a party without your blessing. Remind them that they have their own homes where they have free reign, but that freedom does not extend to yours.

Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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