Feb 19, 2015 4 min read

Dear Annie: I have been married to “Bob” for 11 years. Once we had our son, “Jack,” everything changed.

Bob found excuses not to be home, worked all kinds of overtime or had to “go somewhere.”

I can count on one hand the times he did anything with Jack or was even home on a weekend during our son’s first five years.

Jack is now 8 and has no real relationship with his father and no desire for one.

When he was little and asked where Daddy was, I covered for Bob, but now that Jack is older, he knows what’s what. The kid is no dummy.

Things continue to get worse. Bob accepts no responsibility for his son.

He makes nearly twice my salary, but won’t give me a dime toward Jack’s clothes, shoes or school supplies, let alone birthday presents, although he wants his name on the gifts.

He even tries to get out of paying for groceries and babysitters. Bob pays the mortgage and the taxes.

Everything else is my responsibility. I carry Jack on my health insurance.

I also don’t like to leave Jack alone with his father.

If anything goes wrong, Bob blames Jack and ends up hollering at him for ridiculous things like forgetting to turn off a light or not wanting to go to the store with him, and then lays a guilt trip on the boy, saying, “Don’t you want to spend time with me?”

I have tried talking to Bob about this. I tell him it is the parents’ responsibility to make time for their children, not the other way around.

He refuses counseling, saying he doesn’t need anyone to tell him how to raise his kid.

Jack already has anger issues and acts out.

I am ready to give up on our marriage. Bob and I are more like roommates than spouses.

I sometimes think Jack and I would be better off on our own. Any advice? — Sinking Ship in Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: Bob withholds funds for the support of his family and either neglects or yells at his son.

These things can be interpreted as forms of abuse.

Bob has no interest in counseling because he has no interest in being a better father.

Sometimes leaving this type of situation is healthier than staying.

Please get counseling for yourself and for Jack and decide your best course of action.

Girl needs guidance

Dear Annie: I’ve been dating “Joe” for a year. We are both divorced parents. My children are in college, and Joe’s 17-year-old daughter lives with him. “Tawny” is a nice young lady, but she relies on us to provide her with a social life.

Tawny attended one semester at a nearby community college. She was fired from her job and basically sits at home all day. She rarely does housework. I understand that she is bored and lonely and have suggested she do some volunteer work to get out and meet people. Joe is as frustrated as I am. He has spoken to Tawny about it, but nothing has changed. I don’t mind including her in our plans once in a while, but she expects to go everywhere with us and has attitude if she’s not invited. She even follows us from room to room.

Joe has asked me to move in with him, but I don’t want to end up resenting Tawny and creating problems with our relationship. — Help

Dear Help: Please do not move in with Joe. Instead, suggest that Tawny get counseling for what could be depression and to help her gain focus. That girl needs guidance, and Joe isn’t providing it.

Lock up the gun

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Concerned Daughter,” whose recently divorced mother was suicidal and even held her brother’s gun to her head. Your advice was good, but you didn’t mention the most important thing: Lock up and hide the darn gun. — Connecticut

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.