Niece a partier
Dear Annie: A year ago, I bought a house for my niece Alice, her boyfriend and their two daughters, so they could have a better life and become homeowners. The house is still in my name, and our agreement was that Alice could live there for five years so she could build up her credit and save enough for a down payment on a home of her own.
The problem is Alice’s sister, “Tonya,” who is fond of partying. Alice allowed Tonya to hold parties for underage kids, with alcohol, in the house. Tonya is now in college but still comes home on vacations and expects to host parties for her friends, including high school kids. I found out that Tonya gets so drunk at these parties that she has thrown up in the kitchen sink.
I am livid and hurt that Alice would allow her children to witness such irresponsible behavior. Alice’s mother, my sister, also permits this. I told Alice’s boyfriend that I would sell the house if Tonya has another party there. I am afraid to talk to Alice, Tonya or my sister because I’m sure to let slip what I really think of this and then it will cause major family issues.
Why can’t my sister see the liabilities for everyone involved? — Disappointed Uncle
Dear Uncle: Your sister chooses to ignore this behavior because she doesn’t want to alienate her daughters and prefers to abdicate her parental responsibilities. You have been inordinately kind to your niece, and it seems unappreciated. But do not approach this in anger. Simply inform Alice that you, as the homeowner, will be held liable for any illegal activities taking place there, including serving alcohol to underage kids. Say that, regretfully, should you discover she has allowed Tonya to hold another such party, you will be forced to sell the house, as you are unable to afford the potential legal costs. Then do it.
Dear Annie: I have two grown daughters who have not spoken to me since their mother and I divorced 12 years ago when they were teenagers. I assume they were pressured not to have anything to do with me.
Over the years, I have sent them cards, letters and gifts, but they have never acknowledged them. I always hoped that when they were grown and less influenced by their mother, we might be able to reestablish some kind of a relationship.
My oldest daughter recently became engaged, and I sent her a gift. I received a letter in return, telling me that I am not invited to the wedding, and asking whether I want my gift back. I never expected to be invited to her wedding, and frankly, was thrilled that she even acknowledged the gift. I don’t want it back.
After all these years, I have started to lose hope that things will ever improve. So my question is, should I continue to send cards or gifts to my daughters? I don’t want to be a nuisance. I used to cry when I would think of them, and the sad thing is now I don’t. — Estranged Dad
Dear Dad: You don’t have to send gifts, but please continue to send cards. Your daughters need the reassurance that you still care about them. And you never know; they may someday decide to reconcile. Please leave the door open.
Dear Annie: You printed a letter from “Florida Lady,” who suggested giving all types of gift cards. I get a lot of gift cards from people on special occasions, which is nice. I also purchase and give gift cards to others.
I had no problem until this year, when I had purchased gift cards to a very popular restaurant. Without notice, the restaurant closed its doors and we were stuck with the gift cards.
I’ve decided that cash is a better alternative. It’s the right color, right size, has no expiration date and is accepted everywhere. — Eileen
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.