Facebook ‘friend’ has disturbing posts
Dear Annie: A couple of months ago, I met a guy at a concert and he added me as his friend on Facebook. Except for that one encounter, I don’t really know him.
Tonight, I was strolling through Facebook and noticed a very disturbing post he had made. It bothered me so much that I went to his page and saw that the previous two hours had been a stream of disturbing comments alluding to hurting others. Nobody had commented or liked any of his posts, so I went back further on his page.
It seems this guy doesn’t have any friends. His page looked like a one-way cry for help. I feel bad for him, but I’m scared to say anything. Is there a way I could get help for him anonymously? I worry that he may hurt himself or others. — Not a Friend
Dear Not: We suggest you visit this guy’s Facebook page and click the link that says “Report.” It will then be checked out by Facebook personnel who can determine how to handle it, and your name will not be mentioned.
Though a great many folks post things on Facebook to give the impression that their lives are more interesting than they really are, this guy may be using Facebook simply to vent. Nonetheless, we don’t recommend that you become more involved in what he posts by responding.
Dear Annie: My 20-year-old daughter recently became engaged to her 24-year-old boyfriend. My husband and I are delighted. We like her fiance very much.
As soon as they set a date, we talked to the groom’s parents about the type of wedding they had in mind. Surprisingly, they told us that, as parents of the bride, we are responsible for all of the expenses, including the minister’s fee. They said that was the rule according to the etiquette books. True to their word, they haven’t offered a penny, even though they can afford it.
After “the talk,” we scaled back considerably. We have kept the groom’s parents informed of our plans, so they don’t feel left out. The groom is embarrassed by his parents’ decision not to contribute, but apparently, he either won’t say anything or it hasn’t made any difference.
As the deposit checks go out, my disappointment is increasing. I am trying hard to convince myself that the wedding is a gift to my daughter, and I’m hoping the groom’s parents will give to their son in some other way to make up for this. — Mother of the Bride in Phoenix
Dear Mother: While we agree that the groom’s family seems ungenerous, etiquette says that the groom (not necessarily his parents) is responsible for his share of the wedding costs, although what that entails can vary. But it includes the officiant’s fee, the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon, among other things.
These days, most couples pay for their own wedding or split the costs between the bride’s family and the groom’s, and we think this is a much more reasonable arrangement. After all, most brides and grooms hold jobs and live independently of their parents. The good news for you is, if you are covering all of the expenses, you get to make all of the decisions. A lot of brides and their parents would be happy with that arrangement.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. You can also find Annie on Facebook at Facebook.com/AskAnnies. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.