Wife feels like a second-class citizen
Dear Annie: I married “Dean” nine years ago. It was a second marriage for both of us. Soon after we wed, he said we would split all expenses 50-50. However, the house is in his name, and he will not put my name on the deed since I can’t match “his” down payment, even though I pay him rent each month.
Everything we do, I have to pay half. He and his teenage son went on a two-week vacation, and I couldn’t go because I couldn’t afford my share. When we go out, I have to pay my own way. He lavishes money on his son and donates to civic organizations, but I get nothing. He only gives me a gift when I give him one of equal value.
We have no joint accounts. I currently have a large debt, but in two years that will be paid off. I feel like a second-class citizen. I know Dean loves me — but I come after his son, his job, his employees, his computer and his civic organizations. His bank accounts are getting fatter, and I am barely scraping by. Is this a marriage or a lord/serf relationship? — Indentured Servant
Dear Servant: It sounds like a lopsided business arrangement. It’s certainly not our idea of a loving marriage where partners should take care of each other instead of sending them a bill for expenses. A good partnership is 50-50, but the contribution doesn’t have to be money. It can mean household chores, child care, etc. And when one partner has a higher income and fewer debts than the other, it is unfair to expect an equal financial arrangement. Dean is treating you as an inferior, and it is building resentment. Tell him the marriage is in serious trouble, and you’d like to go for counseling. If he won’t go, go without him. You might also want to see an attorney. Having everything in his name puts you in a risky position.
Dear Readers: Today is Mother-in-Law Day. Please give yours a call.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. You can also find Annie on Facebook at Facebook.com/AskAnnies. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators .com.