Elusive Expiration Dates
Dear Annie: I am somewhat appalled by “Wish She’d Stop,” who complained about her 82-year-old mother. Having her mother over once a week is very nice and expected. Considering no longer inviting her mother for dinner is an indication of this daughter’s lack of compassion and understanding.
My 92-year-old mother lives with my husband and me, along with her yappy little dog, who has accidents in the house often. My mother has unpleasant habits, as well. For instance, she leaves messes in the bathroom. I would never humiliate her by pointing this out to her. I discreetly slip into her bathroom and clean the fixtures. When we have guests, I leave antiseptic wipes on the counter. I also have them use the other bathroom. When her dog leaves little gifts on the carpet, I pick them up and never complain. It is my responsibility to take the dog for walks to avoid this inconvenience. I would never dream of stripping away my mother’s dignity by mentioning these inconveniences.
“Wish She’d Stop’s” mother changed her diapers, wiped her snotty nose, bandaged her scraped knees and cleaned her vomit. The elderly revert back to childish habits. Such is life! This daughter can offer to clean her mother’s dentures and treat her wounds. The scab picking should be brought to the attention of her treating physician, as I believe this is a psychological problem.
It is no big deal to treat her mom with proper respect. Mothers this age come from the greatest generation known in our lifetime. They lived during the Depression and World War II. They have known real hardship.
Many organizations in the community offer caregiving classes, which I have taken. This daughter could benefit from such classes. She would learn how to care for and understand her mother’s behavior. — Caregiver in Arizona
Dear Caregiver: Bravo for finding the most compassionate way to handle what many of us would consider problems. Your degree of sympathy is inspiring.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators .com.