Aug 4, 2002 3 min read

Dear Readers, The controversy continues. Over the past month, my column has addressed two issues: excessive bridal showers and the greed displayed by some bridal couples. Up until now, all of the responses were from guests and bridal party participants, and not from bridal couples. I would like to share a letter I just received from a bride.

Dear Joy,

I agree with the fact that more than one shower is totally uncalled for unless it’s a situation where the showers are held in different cities which prevent people from attending. But to say that showers are out of date is ridiculous. Had I gotten married at 17 (like some others my age did) I would have received a shower and tons of gifts I could still be using 15 years later.

But no, I decided that I was too young and immature to take on such a responsibility at that age. Apparently so did all the other teenage brides I knew since they were divorced within 5 years.

So instead, I moved out, got a job making $6 an hour and bought all the things I needed myself. No one GAVE ME ANYTHING.

To say that I am not entitled a shower for waiting till I am in my 30’s to get married is even more stupid than getting married when one is not ready.

“Gee, you should have married that idiot when you were 18 so we could give you gifts then as opposed to going out on your own and working for everything you want.” Nice attitude.

And for the record, I still needed several “shower type” gifts as all the appliances and kitchen utensils I had were my dead grandmother’s and well worn out.

Just because you receive a shower invitation does not mean you need to attend, nor send a gift. SR.

Dear SR,

Who are you quoting in your letter? For the record, Ididn’t say bridal “showers are out of date” and I believe that both mature and young brides are entitled to bridal showers. I do agree, with my respondents, though, that multiple showers for established live-in couples are excessive.

Showers were originally designed to help financiallystruggling couples, who were not co-habitating, set-up a household. The shower concept was never intended to help an established live-in couple replace worn-out, tired items. If that is the case, perhaps we should revise the custom and “shower” a long-time, married couple on a special anniversary. I certainly need, and feel I deserve, to replace some worn out appliances and kitchen utensils after 18 years of marriage!

Guests who receive a shower invitation are not obligated to attend. An invited, polite guest should send a gift, whether they attend or not.

Dear Joy,

My daughter is getting married in 2004 and she asked me to be her matron of honor. How do you think we should do this?

She is having a maid of honor plus four bridesmaids and two junior bridesmaids.

We thought she would have one less groomsman and have her dad escort me down the aisle after the services are all done. What do you think we should do? Thank you. Becky

Dear Becky,

A popular Southern custom is to have parents as the honor attendants. Your husband can escort you back up the aisle and you won’t need an additional groomsman.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her at bridejoy@yahoo.com.