‘Slipping’ parents may just need some help
Q: It has been almost a year since I visited my parents, but I have noticed that they have “slipped” a bit since the last time I was home. They haven’t asked for help but do you have some tips about what I should be thinking about, and talking about, or avenues of assistance before a crisis occurs?
A: While you may be justifiably worried that living in their current home presents many risks to an aging parent, persuading them of this idea may be difficult.
“Are there trusted family members, neighbors, church members or friends that can serve as your ‘eyes and ears’ and alert you if things get worse?
“It can’t hurt to call and ask. You may be surprised at how willing and ready others are to help. They need to be asked, because they don’t want to be seen as intruding,” says Robert E. O’Toole, president of Informed Decisions, Inc., (a private company specializing in elder life planning) and a former editor of the Geriatric Care Management Journal.
You should also check to see if there are resources in the community where your parents live such as trained volunteers, transportation services or handyman services that might fill the need and yet not make your folks feel uncomfortable or dependent. O’Toole also recommends asking if your employer offers an “Eldercare Consultation and Referral Service.”
“If you really want to make some changes that are clearly in your elder’s best interest, try presenting your idea in the form of a gift or service. You can say, ‘Mom, it seems like keeping up this big house is becoming a chore for you. Would you like to have some help with that?’ And then see what the response is,” says O’Toole.
You can then offer a monthly cleaning service as a gift from all of the family to make her life easier. Your aging parent might be more willing to accept something as a gift rather than being “taken care of by their child”.
RESOURCES FOR FAMILY CAREGIVERS OF AGING PARENTS
National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers: www.caremanager.org
Fact Sheet: Elder Life Planning for Worksites and Organizations – 1-800-375-0595 / www.eldercareatwork.com/
The National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (www.naela.org) provides a resource of information, education, with legal services to the elderly and disabled.
National Alliance for Caregiving – The National Alliance for caregiving is a non-profit joint venture created to support family caregivers of the elderly and the professionals who serve them. www.caregiving.org.
Elderlifeplanning.com is a user-friendly resource for information about caring for aging parents and finding the most appropriate resources such as: home health care, assisted living, community day programs, and nursing homes. www.elderlifeplanning.com.
Send your questions to Steve Infanti, A Fit Life columnist, at Wheeling Jesuit University, sinfanti@nttc.edu.