Dec 8, 2002 4 min read

I have written over 200 “Bride and Joy” columns. In that time, I have written about almost every aspect of wedding planning that can be imagined. I began in the bridal business in 1978 when my mother purchased an existing bridal salon in my hometown, and for a number of years I worked by her side and helped to manage the business. That experience gave me incredible insight in the bridal planning business and in the relationships between the bridal couples, their family and friends.

Customers used to comment that our business was so “romantic,’ and I often heard, “It must be so enjoyable.” Often my mother and I felt that way, often we didn’t. Occasionally, deadlines and emotional brides and estranged family members made our job difficult.

Frequently, we were a sounding board for an overwrought mother or a distraught bride, as a disagreement over a specific color or gown style often hid a much bigger issue. Occasionally, our counsel extended beyond a sizing question or gown choice and was sought to repair a torn relationship between a bride and her mom or honor attendant.

We never put out a shingle and pretended that we were pre-marital counselors. We were just helpful and we provided personalized service.

Our customers became friends because they often entered our doors two years before their wedding date. As a full-service salon, we helped them select their bridal gowns, bridesmaid and mother gowns, tuxedo rentals, and invitations. Our customers trusted us because we cared about the success of their wedding and we cared about our relationship with them.

I moved away from my hometown and the bridal shop 10 years after I began in the bridal business. When I moved to Western Pennsylvania, I continued my career in wedding planning as a bridal consultant. I also became the wedding coordinator at my church, so my education and insight in the wedding business grew as I participated in other aspects of wedding planning.

The countless couples I have assisted over the years needed my advice and guidance with the planning aspects of their wedding. I have been happy to give advice about the formality of a wedding or smooth the ruffled feathers of a mother of the bride-but my advice can only help up until the big day.

The couple’s relationship issues will change over their lifespan and they will need to rely on the help of family, friends and professionals to help them deal with issues far more complicated than their choice of wedding cake.

As the wedding coordinator of my church, I came to realize the importance of marrying within a supportive and loving environment. I believe that couples whom are surrounded by a community of people with similar beliefs and values tend to stay together.

Many couples want to avoid the hassle of pre-marital counseling and scorn religious guidelines and restrictions.

A civic judge and a simple “no hassle” ceremony appeals to many couples who don’t want to examine their relationship-they just want to get married.

Recently, I witnessed the baptism of two babies. Babies borne to two couples who I assisted with their wedding preparations at my church. One couple now has three children, and the other is blessed with their first child. A former bridal couple sat in front of me with their 6-year old daughter. And as I looked in the weekly bulletin, I saw the names of another bridal couple asking for prayers for their ailing parents.

All of these couples made the choice to be married in a house of their religious belief. And surrounded by a loving community, all of these couples realized that their wedding day wasn’t the ultimate destination, it was only the beginning.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. E-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.