Dec 23, 2002 4 min read

A co-worker asked me the other day if I had finished all of my Christmas shopping. My answer: What’s the rush? There are at least three days left before the big event. If you’ve never been shopping for gifts on Christmas Eve, you’re missing out on a rather unique experience.

The stores resemble one of those disaster movies where all the people have fled to emergency shelters underground.

The shelves are stripped bare. The few people in the stores have a look of panic on their faces as they search every aisle for a gift, any gift. Anything will do.

The clerks hover near the cash registers, checking their watches, sending silent signals to the few customers to hurry up so they can close for the night.

The customers are almost exclusively men. Women have long since bought every gift on their lists each year, leaving the last-minute deadline shopping to the kings of procrastination, males.

In those final moments, as the clock ticks off the minutes to Christmas Day, men wind up with some rather bizarre gifts for family and friends.

Those gadgets and trinkets stocked on the shelves in the checkout lines can make handy gifts, decorated with some brightly colored wrapping paper.

Whoever said it’s the thought that counts in gift-giving never gave or received any gifts in our family.

If it’s a cheap gift, like the kind I usually select, you will get in response a raised eyebrow, a rather puzzled reaction, and a polite thank you. That’s it.

Many years ago, it was my decision to surprise my then young bride with a brand new iron. What can I say. I was young, ignorant and insensitive.

Although I must say it was a top of the line steam iron. Useful, attractive, and it replaced an older, worn-out unit.

My good intentions, however, fell sorely short of Christmas gift expectations that year. My skills at selecting gifts have never improved much from that time, although I have made sincere efforts.

That was my first, rather painful, lesson in Christmas shopping for women. The gift cannot be anything related to housework, laundry, cooking or cleaning.

I’m certain there are exceptions to this rule, but I’ve found none in my personal experience in such matters.

Our two daughters know that I long ago abandoned any hope of being able to select appropriate gifts. They are not disappointed. As adults, they seem to be just relieved that I finally gave up.

When the gifts are wrapped and stored under the tree I casually will inquire about what “we” are giving to the children this year.

A detailed description of each item is then provided by the wife. At least that way I’m not as surprised as the kids are on Christmas Day when the packages are unwrapped.

Many years have passed since that first Christmas and the memorable gift of an iron. I leave the gift selections up to those who know what they are doing. I have moved onward.

One of the best gifts is a donation to a local charity, such as the Salvation Army’s Christmas Kettle Drive, or the United Way.

The Toys for Tots campaign, operated by Marine Corps League volunteers, distributed thousands of toys last week to boys and girls, thanks to more than 60 area businesses and hundreds of individuals who donated new toys.

Twenty bucks sent to the Sparkle Give-A-Christmas fund is a nice Christmas gift to give.

Anything is better than a steam iron. Have a great holiday.

Mike Ellis is the executive editor of the Herald-Standard.

His e-mail address is: mellis@heraldstandard.com.