Dec 29, 2002 4 min read

Dear Joy, I have a suggestion regarding wedding organization that I wish I had known about or realized before my daughter’s wedding this past October.

Everything went fine in the planning and I presumed that since I am a take-charge person, I could handle all of the problems and questions for that day. I didn’t take into consideration that my attention would be focused on the guests and not the details of the day. I never considered having a person to look after little details that always come up, such as misplaced floral arrangements, a guest that didn’t receive their vegetarian dinner, and favorite songs that weren’t played. It didn’t occur to me that guests would be late and would interfere with the bride’s processional (I was already seated). It didn’t occur to me to have an usher check the pews for forgotten cameras and sunglasses.

Joy, please tell your readers that they need to have an organized person, other than a mother or the bride, to deal with wedding day problems. The bride and mother can’t do it all, especially if they are busy greeting guests and participating in wedding day festivities. My sister kept offering to help and I wish I had handed over some of the responsibilities to her. Sign me as, “Type A”.

Dear “Type A”,

Planning a wedding is a big job and it is almost impossible to anticipate every problem and snafu that will arise. Guests and wedding vendors can be as unpredictable as the weather. It is wise to enlist the aid of a family friend or relative, to oversee some wedding day details. I don’t recommend asking a member of the bridal party to take on this role, as they will be busy worrying about their own responsibilities.

Utilizing the services of a bridal consultant or a wedding coordinator can help to eliminate wedding planning problems and wedding day crises. A professional bridal consultant can be hired by couples for planning advice and vendor recommendations. A bridal consultant, located in the community where a couple will be wed, can be a valuable and money-saving resource. The consultant’s wedding planning knowledge, and relationship with wedding vendors, can save the couple an enormous amount of time and footwork, anxiety, and money.

A wedding coordinator’s services are usually available at large churches and reception sites. The wedding coordinator usually oversees the events of the day and is present to troubleshoot potential problems. The coordinator’s experience, and knowledge of the facility, helps to eliminate problems and last minute crises the bridal couple could not even anticipate.

Dear Joy,

I want to host a bridal shower for my brother and his fianc?e. My house is small and I am embarrassed with my well-worn furnishings. My future sister-in-law’s family is quite well off and I am hesitant to invite them. I can’t afford to have the shower at a restaurant, either. Should I just skip it and hope some else will host the shower? JJ

Dear JJ,

You did not state the time of year you need to host this shower. The obvious solution, if your house were too small, would be to have an outdoor shower.

An outdoor shower, with a rented tent, a few tables and some chairs, would accommodate your guests.

Weather too unpredictable? Try not to be embarrassed about your home.

As long as your home is clean and the food is plentiful, the shower’s focus will be on the bride and groom.

Your guest list needn’t be too large. Consider inviting some close friends of the bride and groom and have an intimate Jack and Jill shower.

Or perhaps, a small shower with just your family would work, as the bride’s family may decide to have their own wedding shower. If this is the case, you still should invite her immediate family, such as her mother and sisters.

Whatever shower scenario you choose, remember that this shower is a gift from you. I doubt that your efforts and your home will be criticized.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com