Fathers change with the times – daddy, old man, grandpa
Scripture reading: Proverbs 4:1-13. Text: “Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. When I was a boy in my father’s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, ‘Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.'” Proverbs 4:1-4. You are blessed several times if you have had a loving, caring mother and father as well as nice, obedient children. On the second Sunday in May we pay tribute to the mothers and on the third Sunday in June we express our gratitude to the fathers. While we pay respect to the head of the family we also wish to see the father-son/father-daughter relationship through the Scriptures. One thing is sure, this relationship has changed as daddy has become grandpa and it will change also as the toddler will become adult.
THE TRANSFORMING STAGES THE CHILDREN WILL GO THROUGH AS THEY ARE GROWING UP.
Obviously there are no sharp separating lines among the stages; they rather overlap, however, as the small ones grow up, naturally changes are going to take place that will affect the relationship between parents and children.
One of the first feelings the little ones display is the sense of insecurity, or fear. The child soon realizes that he or she exists and is unable to cope with unpleasant experiences, thus the baby needs the care and protection of the parents. Usually mommy is the one who hurries to pick up the child when the baby cries.
Now the child is old enough to distinguish between mother and father and he or she starts to admire daddy for his strength and ability to do “unbelievable” things. He drives the car, he carries what is big and heavy, and even mother looks up to him.
A couple of years later the child wishes to imitate the father. The safety seat in which the child is placed in the car has a steering wheel and he or she “helps” the father to drive. Girls use mother’s lipstick and the boys play doctor or fireman.
How wonderful it is when daddy and his kids can play together. The father takes his son fishing, or to a baseball game, or they go to ride the bicycle. This is the time when real bonding begins. For the father it is playing but for the son it is the first taste of the real world.
Now the young son – by this time more attached to the father than to the mother – is learning from daddy. He is observing what daddy is doing and how his instructions are valuable, for instance, how to eat the Oreo cookies. Separate the top from the bottom and lick the sweet cream. (Did you see the advertisement on the TV?)
Soon we enter into the rebellious stage. The children learn a lot from their peers also and by watching television, hearing conversations in school, reading newspapers and magazines. They may hear parents talking when the kids are not supposed to be there.
The question will arise in the teenagers’ minds, is it really true that “Father Knows Best?” Who is right when the teacher and the father have different opinions? Grandpa does not agree with daddy either all the time. How come daddy criticizes mother but mom would not find anything wrong with dad? (Exceptions exist!)
A few years will pass by again and then comes the challenging period. The young man, not a kid anymore, thinks that dad lives in the past that is obsolete. The “old man” cannot understand the problems and issues of the modern age. The society is more permissive now and the entertainment industry lowered the moral standards.
After finishing college and/or being gainfully employed respect will dominate the father-son relationship. When dad passed away, it was comforting to remember him and keep in memory the image of a caring, hard-working, experienced father.
The last stage is when the father wishes to keep grandpa’s legacy alive. Although grandpa lived long ago, he could find the best solution and avoid major problems. He had to work harder than we do now yet he found time to care for his children.
If you agree that a healthy father-son relationship depends equally on both, the older and younger generation, then, please, keep in mind that all of us are our heavenly Father’s children. The action and response are ours: “We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19.
The Rev. Alexander Jalso is a retired United Presbyterian minister living in Brownsville