Jun 16, 2002 4 min read

Dear Joy, My fianc’ and I are getting married this summer and I really enjoy reading your column. Now it’s my turn to ask some questions.

We are paying for most of the wedding ourselves and our parents will be contributing as they can.

We are having a dry reception. I know that some of our guests drink, but I am against having alcohol at the reception for several reasons. Would it be appropriate to ask our guests on the invitations to refrain from bringing alcohol?

We will be having a DJ, dancing, throwing the bouquet/garter, ceremonial toast; cutting the cake, as well as some other fun planned activities. We expect that the reception will last at least four hours.

Like so many couples, we are on a budget, but we do not want to be tacky. Would it be appropriate to serve only appetizers or a light meal?

Also, my fianc’ is extremely shy. Would it be appropriate to skip the receiving line? We are expecting approximately 200 guests. L.T.

Dear L.T.,

I don’t think you need to enlighten your guests to the fact there will be no alcoholic beverages served at your reception. It is not appropriate to mention this on the invitation and unless BYOB is a typical practice in your social group, I doubt that your guests would consider bringing alcohol. Just keep quiet about your decision for an alcohol-free reception.

At an alcohol-free reception, be prepared to serve sparkling grape juice for the ceremonial toast. Make sure you stock-up on a wide variety of soft drinks and offer punch, coffee, hot and ice teas, and bottled water.

As the host, you do have an obligation to feed and provide beverages. Since you are having all of the trappings that go with a traditional wedding reception, such as music, dancing and a garter and bouquet toss, your guests will expect to be fed during your reception. I believe if you serve only appetizers and cake, during an active four-hour reception, it will not be substantial and you will appear cheap.

Sit-down wedding reception dinners, food stations, and buffets are common in the northeastern section of the United States. You may not realize that this practice is not as common in other areas of the country. Hors d’oeuvres, cake and punch are the popular menu choice at many wedding receptions. But in this instance, the timing is everything.

The time and length of your event will help you to determine how extensive and plentiful the menu should be. If your ceremony is at 4 p.m. and your reception begins at 5:30 or 6 p.m., your guests will expect dinner.

A light-meal menu or cake and punch are typically served at short, early to mid-afternoon receptions. A champagne and cocktail hors d’oeuvre party is typically held at a time other than dinnertime, such as a 4 or 8 p.m. reception.

Your guests need to be greeted. What is the alternative to a receiving line? You can visit each table at the reception. Don’t be surprised, though, when an odd cousin corners your shy groom and relates a very long and detailed story about his emergency appendectomy! With this greeting technique, you can anticipate that many of your 200 guests will try to hold you captive in tedious conversation.

I strongly recommend a receiving line as it moves quite quickly and conversations are kept to a minimum. Your shy groom does not need to be embarrassed or uncomfortable for long as everyone will just want to shake his hand and congratulate him on his choice of bride; sounds pretty and quick and painless to me.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. E-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.