Oct 13, 2002 3 min read

Dear Joy, I have a question about inviting co-workers to my wedding. What are some basic guidelines for deciding which co-workers to invite? If I do invite them, is it customary to invite my boss as well? I work for a very small company (about 35 people) and I interact with the owners on a daily basis (if even for a little bit). Should I also invite them? Any suggestions or advice you have to offer would be appreciated. Thanks

Pat

Dear Pat,

To find the answer to your question, it may be helpful to look back at the tradition of your workplace. How have co-worker’s weddings been handled in the past? Is it typical for your entire company to attend an employee wedding? If you are a long-standing employee, you may have attended co-workers’ weddings-and you can follow their tradition.

If you are a new employee (less than a year), you may not need to invite everyone with whom you work, as you may not have established relationships with all of your co-workers.

Many companies are divided into departments, and this division may be an ideal way to trim the guest list.

For example, if you work in an accounting department with just 10 employees and your boss, you might consider limiting the invitation to them.

You do need to be careful not to exclude anyone who would feel left out if not included, especially your boss/owner.

Co-worker spouses, engaged or live-in partners should also be included in the invitation.

Once you devise your guest list and budget, you will be able to ascertain whether you can afford an additional 70 people. If your space and budget prohibits co-worker invitations, I suggest that you keep wedding discussions to a minimum at your workplace.

Weddings should never be used as an opportunity to promote a deal or to pay off the business obligations.

Dear Joy,

Two weeks ago, I started a new job as a paralegal in a large law firm. A girl in my department will be married next month and several of my co-workers are in the wedding or will be invited.

I heard there will be a wedding shower in the office next week. I believe everyone in our department is invited, as it will be during our lunch hour. I don’t know this girl and I really don’t want to buy an expensive gift.

Do you think I should just say I have an appointment and skip the office shower? Awkward.

Dear Awkward,

Attend the shower. Even though you don’t know the bride right now, she will continue to be your co-worker.

By attending the shower, you will have the opportunity to socialize with your new co-workers and this will help you feel included.

Your co-workers may take up a collection for the bride, and if so, make a small cash contribution so your name will be listed on the card. If they do not take up a collection, give a small token present, such as a bridal Christmas ornament, a pretty scented candle, or a picture frame.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.