Oct 20, 2002 3 min read

Dear Joy, I am writing to you to ask why people do not send response cards back for weddings. Certainly the bride and groom want everyone that was invited to attend; unfortunately there are circumstances that keep people from attending. I just don’t understand it because the postage is paid for so there is no excuse but laziness, or illness.

I think that people need to understand that .37 cents might not be a lot of money but try multiplying that by 250. I think that people need to be more considerate, that is why there is a little box that says not able to attend.

Left Hanging.

Dear Left Hanging,

You are right to feel frustrated about late and poor invitation responses.

The “response card” is a relatively new idea created to help alleviate the problem of late respondents. In the past, proper etiquette demanded that invitees send a personal handwritten response to the hostess.

Unfortunately, very few followed this etiquette requirement and the hostess was forced to contact invitees for their response. The “response card” with an addressed and stamped envelope evolved from frustration of the hostess and the bad manners of the guest.

Unfortunately, even a printed and stamped response card can’t jump into a mailbox on its own. The little card needs some help along the way on its journey to the mailbox. The card is often forgotten under a stack of mail. Often, “Sue” needs to find out whether “Jim” wants prime rib or fish as an entr’e before she can check the box.

Your letter is a good reminder to guests that response cards need to be sent out quickly. A quick response is not only considerate but also helpful for an early and accurate guest count.

Dear Joy,

The invitations are addressed and ready to mail out and we just heard that my cousin is getting a divorce. The wedding invitation is for him and his estranged wife and their three children. I heard that things are very unsettled.

How should I handle this wedding invitation? Should I tear it up and send one only to him and the children? Or should I send it to all of them and let them decide? Colleen

Dear Colleen,

If the divorce will be final before the wedding, send an invitation just to your cousin and his children. If they are unofficially separated and a chance of reconciliation is possible, send an invitation to both of them as a couple and let them make the decision.

Dear Joy,

I have a stack of thank you notes to send out after our Jack and Jill bridal shower. I have two questions:

– If we received a cash gift, should we mention the amount in the note?

– If I write the note, should I sign both of our names?

Thanks for your advice. Alicia

Dear Alicia,

You should not mention the amount of cash received in your thank you notes. Just thank the giver for their generous gift and mention what you plan to use it for. For example: “Thank you for your generous gift. We will use it when we purchase a dining room set.” Since only one person actually writes the note, only that person should sign the card.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. E-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.