Sep 8, 2002 3 min read

Dear Joy, My sister is getting married next May. My mom said my sister wants to borrow my wedding gown instead of buying a new one and my mother thinks it is a great idea.

I don’t like the idea because my sister is quite a bit shorter and twenty pounds heavier than me. Because of this size difference, the gown would have to be altered quite a bit.

I really didn’t want to have the gown changed too much because one day (in the far future) I would like my daughter to have the opportunity to wear my gown.

Besides, I feel my sister may stain the gown after I spent a lot of money having it cleaned. I told my mom my feelings and she said I am being selfish. What do you think? Married Sister.

Dear Married Sister,

A wedding gown is special to a bride and it is understandable that you cherish it.

I believe that most brides prefer to wear a new gown, one which they choose and is the best style for their body figure. Your sister may find that your gown is not the most flattering design and fit for her body figure, just as your daughter may not find your gown to be fashionable or the appropriate style for her figure.

For this reason, many gowns are shoved in the back of the closet and are forgotten.

Tell your sister that she can wear your gown if it doesn’t have to be altered; furthermore, she would have to pay for the gown to be professionally cleaned and preserved after her wedding.

Dear Joy,

I plan to wear my mother’s wedding gown. The gown has discolored and the veil is torn in several places. How do I go about restoring her gown and should I buy a new veil? Jill

Dear Jill,

I have seen professional gown restorers create miracles with heirloom gowns. To consult with an experienced dressmaker or wedding gown restorer, look in the phone book or ask your dry-cleaner for recommendations.

Many brides purchase a new veil to wear with an heirloom gown. Veil shopping should be put on hold until you have determined whether your gown can be restored.

Make an appointment with a bridal shop and tell them that you want to match a new veil to your mother’s gown. Be patient and realize that you may need to shop around. Matching the color of the gown and the lace can be challenging and time consuming.

What if the gown is beyond restoration or too small for you? Remove the heirloom lace, buttons, and beading to create your own new dress!

Joy’s Bridal Tip: Once your veil arrives at the bridal shop, make an appointment with your hairdresser. Try to do this at least four to six months in advance of your wedding date. This advance time will enable you to grow your hair out to the desired length and style. A few words of caution: Never do anything drastic to your hair just before the wedding!

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.