Engagement: Tell parents first of wedding intentions
Dear Joy, My boyfriend and I have been secretly engaged for the past month. We have been reluctant to tell our families since we have been dating for only three months and we were both previously married.
Since both sets of parents live out of town, they have heard about the relationship but we haven’t been introduced to each other.
We know they would feel that we are moving too fast. We plan on telling them about this next month because we are anxious to get moving with wedding planning.
Any suggestions on how to break the news to the world?
Sign us, Excited and Nervous.
Dear Excited and nervous,
Congratulations! The customary protocol when announcing an engagement is to tell both sets of parents – first the bride’s and then the groom’s. If you can, tell them in person.
Set up a meeting date as soon as possible if your parents haven’t met your partner. But before you announce your intention to wed, it would be prudent to let them become acquainted for a couple of days.
Okay, so you aren’t sure how they will react to your announcement? Then have a private discussion with your parents when your fianc’e isn’t with you. If you believe your parents will be less than thrilled about your intention to wed, a candid and private discussion might be needed to eliminate a likely explosive situation. Think about it: Do you want your honey to witness a potential look of anger or disappointment at your announcement?
Children from a previous marriage should be told right away. Don’t take a risk and have them hear the news from someone else.
Inform any former spouse with a phone call, too, and don’t be a coward and give that dirty job to your child.
Once your engagement has been announced to your immediate family, then you can tell your friends and co-workers, and yes, even alert the media.
Get yourself to a professional photographer and have an engagement portrait taken.
Submit your engagement announcement and picture, to both your fiance’s hometown paper, and share your excitement with the rest of the world.
Dear Joy,
My daughter is getting married in the summer. We just found out that she will be seven months pregnant at the time of the wedding.
We are having a bridal shower for her a month before the wedding. Since some of the guests will be from out-of-town, could we combine a wedding and baby shower? LS
Dear LS,
I think the bridal shower should not be combined with a baby shower. The bridal shower celebration should focus on the impending marriage. After the wedding, the focus can then be on the birth of the baby.
Despite convenience, I believe they are two good and separate reasons for two good and separate celebrations.
Joy’s Bridal Tip: If you are planning to invite a few children to the shower, you may want to make their time more enjoyable and less intrusive for the adult guests.
Provide a separate eating table or play area for the children to play in. Coloring books, toys, and fun food such as hotdogs and milkshakes, can help provide a fun party atmosphere for young guests.
K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.