Recipients of invitations should always respond
Dear Joy, An out-of-state friend of mine had a wedding for her daughter back in November 2002. They sent invitations to family in Pennsylvania for the wedding. Only one of her cousins responded and actually sent a card and gift.
The remainder of the family totally ignored the request to call to RSVP.
My friend is livid with the rest of her family to the point that she has cut off all ties with them due to this faux pas. The family thinks she is wrong, but she feels they could have called, sent a card, emailed, or something.
What is your feel on this family feud? Signed Perplexed Friend
Dear Perplexed Friend,
Your friend’s family was rude. Recipients of invitations should always respond; furthermore, a congratulatory card and gift should have been sent to the bridal couple. They were wrong and they should apologize-but they probably won’t. Why? If they didn’t realize what they did wrong in the first place, they probably won’t know how to react now.
Some readers may say, “You can’t expect guests to travel to an out-of-state wedding.” Sure, it is expensive to travel to long distance wedding and many invitees cannot afford the expense or time. But does that mean all out-of- state family members and friends should never be sent an invitation?
An invitation means, “We would like you to celebrate with us, so please come if you can.” If you ignore an invitation, you are essentially saying: “I could care less about celebrating with you.” And it is a slap in the face to the sender.
And we have all heard, “They must have sent the invitation just for a present.” Perhaps, but I doubt it. Couples do enjoy receiving presents-besides being lovely, they are tokens of best wishes. But more than that, the time, effort and expense to shop and send a present or congratulatory card, sends a clear message to the couple (and their parents) that the invitee is supportive of the marriage and honors the family during this exciting event.
Despite their rude behavior, I find it hard to condone your friend’s continued animosity with her family. Her anger will cause a rift that might not be able to be repaired. Even if they don’t apologize, your friend should behave with dignity and forgive them. By her behavior and example, perhaps they will all strive to treat each other with more consideration and respect in the future.
Weddings are meant to bring family together in celebration; unfortunately, her family missed out on that opportunity and everyone lost out but this cycle of animosity should not continue.
Dear Joy,
I live in Pennsylvania and I just received a wedding invitation for a wedding in Texas. There is no way I can afford to fly out and attend this wedding! The bride is an old college friend that we haven’t seen in 10 years. My husband believes they truly don’t want us to attend and it is a ploy to get extra wedding presents. I would like to think otherwise. Should we send a present or is a congratulatory note sufficient?
Holly
Dear Holly,
You should respond to the invitation and send your regrets. A couple of weeks before the wedding, send a congratulatory card and a small present.
K. Joy Schaeffer is bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.