Mar 9, 2003 4 min read

Dear Joy, As a church secretary I can sympathize with Kate who was concerned about renovations at her church interfering with her wedding. Most folks want a “church wedding,” after all, this is a spiritual commitment — a promise made in the presence of God and family and friends. However, I can’t tell you how many times we get phone calls to place a date on the church calendar – and it goes something like this- “We have the hall, the caterer, the DJ, and hotel arrangements, so here’s our date.”

My suggestion would be to check with your church first – is the date available, is the minister available (believe it or not they do take some vacation!), is there something already on the church calendar that might interfere or impact your wedding?

Churches do have events other than the occasional wedding – seminars, Bible Studies, dinners, youth events, retreats, Saturday car washes-but then I guess we could wash your Limo!

A church is a living breathing community of believers who serve God and the community. Oh, and by the way, we would hope that one or other of you would be a member here so that we may welcome and nurture you and your spouse in your new life together. I truly hope this is helpful for folks planning this monumental step in life, the church wants to be of service to you for your wedding and for your marriage. Church Secretary

Dear Church Secretary,

I was the wedding coordinator of my church for eight years so I understand your frustration. At times, both the minister and I would shake our heads and wonder exactly where in the couple’s order of importance is listed “contact church or ceremony officiant.”

Your letter is a good reminder to bridal couples that the door to a place of worship is not only open on the weekend. Parishioners of a church or members of a synagogue, and their many activities, are scheduled each day of the week on the religious organization’s busy calendar.

Furthermore, most religious officiants are required to follow their liturgical or religious calendars, with seasonal Holy days, when scheduling events.

Bridal couples should not assume that their chosen wedding date will be available until they contact their place of worship.

Dear Joy,

My daughter is getting married in May. We are going over the final details of the guest list and we want to be sure that we don’t miss anyone who will be offended.

Are we supposed to invite our minister and his wife, the soloist, and the organist to the wedding rehearsal and reception? FH

Dear FH,

The minister and spouse are usually invited to both the rehearsal dinner and reception.

The invitation should be extended at the same time you invite all of your guests.

Unless they are close family friends, typically the spouse will not attend and the minister will stay for a short-time to deliver an invocation before the dinner.

The soloist and organist are usually not invited to either event, unless they are friends of the couple.

Did you know? Jewish custom does not usually include a wedding rehearsal.

Many rabbis frown on the practice and do not encourage a rehearsal.

When a couple enters the wedding canopy, it is considered a private moment and should not be rehearsed.

Since the actual wedding ceremony is simple, the rabbi will guide the couple step by step at that time.

A family dinner, hosted by the groom’s family, is held the night before the wedding and usually takes the place of a rehearsal dinner.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. E-mail bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.