Mar 17, 2003 3 min read

I am continually amused with the portrayal of wedding planning in television and movies. Most of these entertaining shows portray a bumbling inept groom, an overwrought and emotional bride, and manipulative family members. How far from reality are these portrayals?

In the television world where “reality” shows are now the norm, it is quite fun to watch television shows that still has actors who are not afraid to play pretend, exaggerate their emotional situations, and touch our heartstrings.

Recently, I was quite entertained with an episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond.” Raymond’s older brother was thrust in the middle of wedding planning. His bride asked him to be in charge of the wedding invitations.

Raymond advised his brother to mess up the invitations and give the job back to his bride-since he believes she really wants to do it all by herself. Raymond stated that all women plan their weddings from the age of 12 and really don’t want the grooms to be involved in the wedding planning. Could Raymond possibly be right?

Over the past 10 years since I have been a bridal consultant, I have received only two preliminary phone calls from a groom. All other contact has been exclusively with the bride and/or her mother. I usually meet the groom much further down the path of wedding planning and during those encounters; the groom usually remains quiet and nods in agreement with his bride. Could Raymond possibly be right?

I also found this to be true when I managed a full service bridal salon. I would usually meet a couple when they would choose their wedding invitations, and then I would see them together when they would choose their tuxedo styles.

Just a handful of brides had their intended spouse involved with gown and color selection. And yes I hate to admit it, in that time, I never saw a bride trust her groom with any major wedding decisions. Could Raymond possibly be right? I would like to think there are couples out there who want to share the responsibility of wedding planning.

I would like to think that a groom is as excited about his wedding as his bride and would like to be involved; furthermore, I hope that brides are inclusive and trust the opinions of their future husbands.

For those men who want to contribute their time and talents to wedding planning, they may want to participate in some of the following ways:

– Discuss at the onset of the planning process, their vision and expectations for the wedding day.

– Capitalize on interests and hobbies. If the groom enjoys music, he can check out local bands or DJs and give his input regarding the type of music to be played at the reception.

– Create a beautiful wedding service program on the computer or publish a wedding planning newsletter to participants and family.

– Check out and rent a vintage car or limousine for the day.

– Arrange the honeymoon.

– Give input about menu choices and sample recipes for wedding cake and reception food.

– Plan the rehearsal dinner with parents.

– Peruse bridal magazines for the latest tuxedo fashions.

– Write thank you notes for shower and wedding presents.

The groom can essentially be involved in all parts of the wedding planning process. Teamwork, communication and consideration between the bridal couple are essential ingredients not only for successful wedding plans, but also for the lifelong commitment of marriage.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her at bridejoy@yahoo.com.