May 4, 2003 3 min read

Dear Joy, My cousin just announced her engagement and I would like to throw an informal engagement party for her.

Since she is getting married in the fall, my mom thinks I shouldn’t have an engagement party and just wait to throw a shower. She thinks it would appear that we are asking for too many presents for the couple. I think it is okay to do both but what do you think? Brittany

Dear Brittany,

I think it is terrific that you want to celebrate your cousin’s engagement. If you plan to give her a shower in the very near future, an informal engagement party is appropriate as long as you keep the guest list small and do not request gifts.

Typically, engagement parties are designed to celebrate engagement periods, so if the engagement timeframe will be short and the wedding is right around the corner, I don’t think an engagement party is necessary.

Dear Joy,

I was asked last September to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding this June. I live in Ohio and the wedding was to take place in Pennsylvania. I filled out a form and sent a sizeable deposit for the dress. My friend just called off the wedding. The store has a “no return, all sales final” policy. The bride just sent me a check for the deposit. What is her responsibility for the balance due on the dress? It must be picked up by the end of the month. What should I do? Stuck.

Dear Stuck,

You are responsible for the entire purchase price if you are obligated by your contract with the store. The bride should reimburse you for your purchase. However, if she is financially strapped and emotionally wrought over this break-up, you may want to weigh how far you want to pursue this matter.

Dear Joy,

Last week I read in your column a letter by a boyfriend who didn’t want to attend a wedding with his girlfriend. She is going to be a bridesmaid in an out-of-state wedding.

I agree that he should stay home. I am sure the hosts would like to save money on his food and entertainment. Because it is so costly to host a wedding, reluctant guests should just say “NO” and plan to stay home. They would be doing a big financial favor for the hosts.

I should know, I just spent $30,000 on my daughter’s wedding and now that the bills are coming in, I wish we had trimmed the guest list a little more. Sign me, Big Bill.

Dear Big Bill,

When you are in the midst of wedding planning, you get caught up in the hype and sometimes-good judgment can fall by the wayside. Guest lists and the cost of entertaining can escalate overnight when old friends and distant relatives come to mind and suddenly their names appear on the list.

Stop and think how we want it both ways: We want to entertain in more lavish style with-sit-down dinners, weekend weddings, or fancy food stations.

But at the same time, we want to re-connect with distant family and friends-like the simple, less complicated and expensive times in our past.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.