Nov 30, 2003 3 min read

Twenty years ago this past week, my husband asked me to marry him. He brought me to the popular Christmas lighting ceremony and popped the question amidst the glittering Christmas lights. From that moment forward, Christmas lights remind me of our promise to marry and became symbolic of a shining future. A year later, we married on Nov. 30, 1984. Nineteen years of marriage have flown by and it has been a joyful time of my life, so pardon me if I am a little sentimental today. Nineteen years of marriage may seem like a long-time for a modern couple but not quite as long for my in-laws, Julia and Francis. On Nov. 20, 2003, they celebrated their 62nd wedding anniversary.

I asked them what is the “secret” to the success of their long marriage. They listed a number of qualities that they believe to be important to a successful marriage and I feel they are worth repeating here.

“Friendship” is the main component of their successful relationship. They met in 1936 and they have been best friends every since. They truly like each other and they would rather be with each other than anyone else in the world.

“Faithfulness” is the next component. Julia never had to worry that “he would be elsewhere.” They trusted each other completely.

“Humor” is the next ingredient. Despite illness and advancing age-related issues, Francis makes my mother-in-law laugh every day.

“Similar perspectives” is the next component. “We think alike.” Disagreements are rare and they prefer to talk rather than fight.

“Faith in God” has been their guiding light through struggles in life and has given them strength and provided a common anchor.

“Protectiveness and care” are also essential components of their marriage. They have protected and cared for each other for 62 years without weighing and measuring how much they do for each other. Everything they do for each other is out of love and not a sense of obligation.

According to my father-in-law, the hardest challenge in his marriage was “paying the rent” and “getting used to her cooking” (he missed his mom’s cooking).

Incidentally, they both laughed when he said that.

Their marriage has been a model for my husband and I.

The lessons they have taught us about love and relationships are profound and invaluable. I see their sense of devotion and care imitated by my husband in our marriage and by my brother-in-law in his 36-year marriage. We are so fortunate that we have had their marriage as a shining example of how a good marriage works.

Sixty-two years ago they pledged marriage vows and spoke of their love and commitment to each other in front of God and their family:

In the Name of God, I, Francis, take you Julia, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

Sixty-two years later, Julia, at age 82, is bedridden and Francis (age 84) is her primary caregiver.

I believe that when they spoke their vows to each other on Nov. 20, 1941, they certainly meant every word of it.

May you all find the lasting joy of marriage.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com. Please indicate “Bridal Question” in the subject column.