Apr 25, 2004 3 min read

Dear Joy, My future mother-in-law sings in her church choir.

She has a very high soprano voice and believes she has perfect pitch and is quite talented. She wants to sing at our wedding ceremony at my church and I cringe to think of it. My fiance’ doesn’t want her to sing either but he doesn’t have the heart to tell his mom not too.

I don’t think he should make me the bad guy and refuse to have her sing. How should we solve this problem? I need Simon Cowell from American Idol!

Dear Bride,

My father-in-law is a tenor and sang for years with his church choir. I was also concerned when I heard he wanted to sing at the ceremony. I had never heard him sing a solo in our church and was pleasantly surprised when he practiced. The combination of the church acoustics and the organ enhanced his performance. He sang “The Lord’s Prayer” at my wedding and brought everyone to tears. It was a memorable experience for all of us.

Before you nix her offer, you need to determine your music needs with your church organist or music director and explain your dilemma.

Most music directors adhere to strict music guidelines and restrictions and may only work with professional or accomplished singers.

The music director may want to audition your mother-in-law before he gives his stamp of approval.

The audition would also provide you the opportunity to listen to her performance. At that time, the music director may recommend another singer with a complementary tone to perform a duet. If the director doesn’t think she can pull it off, let him make the decision and be the “Simon.”

Dear Joy,

We just set our wedding date for October and we need to find a place to get married. I haven’t been to church in a number of years, not since I was teenager-and my future husband wasn’t raised in a church. We live about four hundred miles away from where I was raised and plan to be married where we now live. How do I go church shopping for my wedding?

Courtney

Dear Courtney,

Unless your faith has changed, I recommend that you look to the same church denomination in which you were raised. You may have fulfilled established church requirements for the sacrament of marriage, like Baptism and Confirmation, when you were a child or young adult. If you are familiar with the service and church doctrine, you may feel more comfortable.

Though tempting, try to resist choosing a church on its physical appearance alone. A sense of faith and belonging is much more important than the physical beauty of the church.

Next, visit the church not once, but a couple of times. Many churches have more than one priest or minister, and remember that substitute clergy may be in place for a vacationing priest or minister. You can never get a true feeling for a church with one visit.

Once you feel that you have found a new church home, call the church office and make an appointment with a member of the clergy, make sure the wedding date is available, and obtain a copy of the wedding guidelines.

Counseling sessions will probably be required. Try not to avoid these sessions, as many church denominations require a minimum of counseling sessions before the officiant can make your union legal.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.