May 23, 2004 4 min read

Dear Joy, My daughter was married a few weeks ago and I want to share something that happened to her before she walked down the aisle.

We were in the middle of the procession, I had just been seated and the bridesmaids were cued to begin their walk down the aisle.

My daughter and my husband were standing behind them and sharing a special moment together.

Just then, a distant relative and her husband arrived and began complaining to them about the traffic, parking and giving excuses as to why they were late.

Their gripping took my daughter’s focus off of her bridal procession and interrupted a special moment for her and her father. She never even got to see her girls walk down the aisle.

My husband was very angry at their rude behavior and they destroyed a tender moment. Joy, please tell wedding guests to arrive early, sit down and be quiet, and never interrupt a wedding procession. Elaine

Dear Elaine,

Your anger is understandable, as your guests were self-absorbed and insensitive.

Your letter is a good reminder to guests that they should arrive at a wedding at least ten to fifteen minutes before the official start.

Just because an invitation reads that the wedding will begin at 4:30 doesn’t mean that is the time to arrive.

Brides, a good way to prevent a similar situation from happening is to enlist the services of a wedding coordinator or good friend to oversee the procession.

They can waylay late arrivals and ask for their cooperation and silence during this highly anticipated moment.

Dear Joy,

We were all wondering what is the proper dress and seating for the parent and stepparents of the bride?

Both parents of the bride are divorced and both remarried. Who sits in what pew, what table at the reception, and do they participate in the receiving line? Stepmom

Dear Stepmom,

The mother of the bride and her husband will sit in the first pew. The father of the bride and his wife will sit together in the second pew. If both couples are very cordial, they may even consider sharing the first pew.

If there is a lot of animosity, then the father and his wife should sit in the third pew.

At the reception, the families should sit at separate tables with their own family members.

For example, the father of the bride should be seated with his parents and close family members and his ex-wife should be seated with her own family members.

If the families are quarrelsome, they should have their tables located at opposite ends of the reception venue.

Stepparents should dress according to the formality of their spouse’s dress code.

If the fathers are wearing tuxedos, their escorts should also wear formal attire.

Typically, stepparents are included in family photographs and should be dressed as formally as the wedding party.

Stepparents should also wear corsages and boutonnieres.

Stepparents do not need to participate in a receiving line unless they are official hosts of the wedding.

Parents of the couple can participate in a receiving line and stepparents can mingle with the crowd. The least amount of participants in a receiving line lessens the need for excessive introductions and is best for expediency.

Often a wedding party is introduced at the start of the wedding reception. In this instance, the mother of the bride and her spouse are officially introduced, and then the father of the bride with his spouse would be introduced.

For example, “Jim and Mary Smith, stepfather and mother of the bride. Tom and Suzy Jones, father and stepmother of the bride…”

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com

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