Nov 14, 2004 4 min read

Dear Joy, I am getting married next spring and last week, I brought my attendants shopping for bridesmaid dresses.

Two of the girls in the wedding party are quite heavy and we couldn’t find any dresses that looked nice on them.

Another girl, a junior bridesmaid, is only 12 and she also looked terrible in dress styles because she has not developed yet.

I got really discouraged because I had my heart set on a particular style of dress that obviously didn’t look nice on them.

They were upset with the prices, styles, and we all got more and more upset as we went from store to store. I feel bad but I don’t want to settle for a style that I don’t like and I’m afraid that is where it is headed.

We are going out again in two weeks and we need some direction.

Any suggestions on how to make this search a little less painful and stressful? Upset Bride

Dear Upset Bride,

I think the bridesmaid dress search is brutal, not only for the less than perfect figure, but also for the model figure bridesmaid.

Jokes about ugly and expensive bridesmaid dresses, which should never see the light of day again, will continue to remain comedienne fodder.

Many brides try to justify the outrageous cost with the statement; You can wear this again! You and I both know the dress will hang in the back of the closet until you donate it to a rummage sale.

You have already gone beyond the first three steps I recommend in the bridesmaid dress search.

Unfortunately, these steps can’t be retraced but lets see what you missed. The first step in the search takes the bride and maid of honor on a preliminary shopping expedition to choose three favorite dress styles and colors.

The second step is to compare and consult with a few bridal salons regarding sizing availability, price, alterations and delivery. Comparative shopping at this stage will eliminate a lot of potential disappointment and unrealistic expectations.

The considerate bride will choose gowns in a range of prices, fabrics, and size availability.

In step three, all of the women in the wedding party should be included in the final selection process.

They can try on the three favorite style samples and look at the selected color choices. The salon seamstress or trained salesperson will make size recommendations at this time. Unfortunately, your group sidestepped steps one and two.

So, now you need to rely on a competent bridal salon salesperson to direct the women to dress styles that will complement and flatter both full figures and a junior size. Sample bridesmaid dresses are usually available in only small junior sizes; therefore, a full-figured woman might find it difficult to imagine a proper fitted dress.

A trained salesperson or the salons seamstress can measure and recommend a particular size for the bridesmaid.

Dresses should be ordered in the size that fits the bridesmaid at the time of the sizing.

Many diets are promised at the time of measuring and ordering but few girls reach their desired weight by the wedding date.

A junior bridesmaid can wear a different but complimentary style dress from the rest of the bridal party.

An undeveloped junior bridesmaid may find it difficult to wear the popular and sophisticated bridesmaid gowns of today. Then again, you may also want to stay away from childish, large-size flower girl dresses.

The salon may have style recommendations that are flattering and contemporary for the young lady.

Joys Bridal Tip: To insure a proper measurement and fit, brides and female wedding party participants should bring appropriate shoes and undergarments when they are shopping for that perfect dress.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at

bridejoy@yahoo.com.