Oct 24, 2004 4 min read

Dear Joy, My sister was married in May. Now it is October and she still hasnt finished writing out her thank you notes. I keep telling her that she is really behind and that they should have gone out a lot sooner than now. She tells me that she is busy and that she has more important stuff to do.

Last year, when we started to plan her wedding, I began to read your column. I remember a column that talked about thanking your guests properly. Could you please find it and run it again. I will cut it out this time and put it under her nose. Sign me-Frustrated.

Dear Frustrated,

Since the busy wedding season is winding down, this is a timely reminder to couples who have lagged behind with their thank you notes.

Here are a few “thank you” questions that I am asked on a regular basis:

How long do I have to respond with a “thank you” note?

I heard up to six months.

Timely thank you notes will reassure givers that a mailed gift has been received. A month is the appropriate amount of time to respond. The longer the project is dragged out, the more a couples enthusiasm for the gift may have begun to fade-especially if it was a cash gift and the money has already been spent. Bridal shower thank you notes should be sent out before the wedding.

I am so tired of writing thank you notes after three bridal showers and one very large wedding (300) guests. I am overwhelmed with the amount of thank-you notes I have to write. I personally thanked all gift givers at all of my showers. Is it necessary to write a thank-you note, too?

All guests deserve, for a their generosity, a simple three-line thank you note within a proper time frame. A personal thank-you at the event is not sufficient as you cant guarantee that they heard it and remember it.

Take the pile and divide it up into manageable parts. Do you have 200 thank-you notes you need to write? Write out ten thank-you notes a day for twenty days and that job will be complete.

Can we type or e-mail our thank you notes? No. Please spend the time and handwrite them.

How do I write a simple thank you note? I hated school and I find writing notes to be absolute torture.

Here is a three-step guide that will help you overcome your fear:

1. Name the gift. Thank you for the fluffy yellow bath towels.

2. Describe how you will use the gift or what is special about it. The color matches our new bathroom wallpaper.

3. Add a personal thought about your relationship. You are a dear friend. I was so happy you were able to attend my bridal shower and share this special time with me.

What should you say if you receive a monetary gift?

Mention how you plan to use the money. Here is an example:

Dear Uncle George,

Thank you for the generous wedding check. It was a nice surprise. Mark and I have added it to our savings account. We are saving for a down payment on a house.

We feel confident that we will be in a new home by the end of the year! Thank you for your generosity and for sharing our wedding day with us.

Love,

Mark and Jill

It has been a year since my wedding and I am ashamed to say that I haven’t finished writing my thank you notes. Is it too late?

No. Start today and get the job done. Then, your conscience will stop bothering you.

(K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.)