Aug 28, 2005 3 min read

Dear Joy, I am planning a May 2006 wedding. I have been busy calling businesses and searching the Internet to compare prices and set-up appointments. I work 12-hour days, and often on weekends, so I need to rely on free time at work to do some of this planning.

A little while back, you wrote some guidelines for bosses to use when confronted with employees who spend all of their time talking about their weddings. My boss clipped it out and put it on my desk. I resent her implication that I have been wasting work time. I don’t believe that any of my co-workers have complained, I just think the boss has it out for me.

Joy, you know that wedding planning is stressful and time consuming. I don’t see a problem if I plan during my break-times. Furthermore, I think you should remind bosses that many co-workers are friends. They may enjoy talking about the wedding around the water cooler. Sue-Not Real Name

Dear Sue,

Wedding planning can be a lot of fun and quite consuming. Frequently, the bride believes that everyone else shares in her enthusiasm. Unfortunately, not everyone is excited or interested in the wedding day plans.

Your boss left those guidelines on your desk for a reason. Apparently she believes your planning has been disruptive, and she wants you to modify your behavior.

If you want to maintain your job, you have a responsibility to accomplish your job during work hours and to follow company guidelines.

During your free-time at work, your employer is not obligated to provide you the use of its resources, such as Internet access, the phone or the copier, for you to carry out your wedding plans. When you are on a break, I recommend that you use a personal cell phone, in a private area, to make your calls. Internet planning can be done 24/7 and should be done at home.

Make sure your conversations about wedding planning are kept to a minimum at the office since you are being paid to work. Some co-workers may appear enthusiastic about the topic, however, few want to hear the trivial details.

Dear Joy,

Is a caterer tipped if they drop the food off, and you set up, serve, and cleanup yourself? The food was fresh and delicious! Thank you. Carol

Dear Carol,

It is customary to tip a delivery person who is hired by a company to deliver a product. I don’t believe a tip was necessary in this instance, since the caterer delivered the product himself. Your payment was in good faith that his food would be “fresh and delicious.” A tip could have been given if the caterer stayed and performed a service that was above and beyond what was stipulated in the original contract.

Dear Joy,

Do you actually tie the wedding rings on a ring-bearer’s pillow? I say, “No.” My daughter says, “Yes.” Barb

Dear Barb,

Many ringbearer pillows have little fake rings attached. I suspect some couples are hesitant to trust a young boy with the real responsibility. Often, the best man will hold the real rings in his pocket. I think the age and maturity of the ring bearer should be weighed and considered before you entrust him with the real rings.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at

bridejoy@yahoo.com.

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