Feb 27, 2005 4 min read

Dear Joy, My fiance and I are thrilled to be together again after a separation of 31 years – since I was a senior in high school -and we can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

Indeed, our first thought was to run off to a justice-of-the-peace. Then, we had some second thoughts, such as to include my sons and his daughters, who should be a part of our new life together from the start.

We want to have the simplest, most stress-free wedding without much ceremony. We would like to include our two 10-year-olds, 15-year-old, 25-year-old, and 28-year-old children, their two husbands, and our three little grandchildren.

Still, while my fiance has been deployed in Iraq, I’ve been to another wedding and witnessed some beautiful, meaningful and inspired music and words that make me want to have some of that, too.

Any suggestions towards striking a balance? Sign me:

He’ll Be Home in June.

Dear He’ll Be Home in June:

I fondly remember a wedding ceremony I assisted 10 years ago. The bride and groom were both previously married, and each had a few children of various ages.

A minister performed a simple but meaningful ceremony in a church. The couple invited only their children, parents, and siblings. They all stood at the altar in a semicircle around the couple, to give support and love.

Candlelight flickered in the dark corners and piano music accompanied the service. A simple floral bouquet was limited to the bride and a boutonniere to the groom.

The bride wore a pretty lace floor-length ivorygown and the groom wore a suit. The guests dressed for the occasion, too.

The bride did not process down the aisle, as everyone entered the sanctuary together. Two of the older children gave readings and the vows were traditional.

Since the small group of guests surrounded the couple during the vows, the love and support for the couple were quite evident.

The couple and their family then went to a nice restaurant and celebrated their marriage.

I recently ran into the couple at my church, and they boasted they had recently celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary.

I told them that I was profoundly impacted by their wedding and remembered it clearly.

They had repeated their vows with emotion and love, and were surrounded by the people who mattered the most to them in the world.

They didn’t need the trappings of a large wedding party or the witness of 200 guests, for they just needed their immediate family, the presence of God, and each other to make the ceremony meaningful.

You can eliminate a lot of the traditional trappings and hoopla, but never minimize the importance of the ceremony and the support of your loved ones – it’s the glue.

Dear Joy:

I read your recent article about how family and friends should support couples in their marriages.

My wife and I got married before a justice-of-the peace and never had any witnesses. We decided to renew our vows before both of our collective families and friends to celebrate both our 20th and 25th anniversaries.

We did the 20th for several reasons: Our mothers were upset as they never saw us get married, and we had never done anything to celebrate our wedding or anniversary before. It turned out to be very fortunate, as my wife’s father, grandmother and grandfather all died before our 25th.

We are very thankful we were able to share something special with them before they passed on. RCH

Dear RCH,

Congratulations on the long-lasting success of your marriage.

K.Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.