Jan 9, 2005 4 min read

Dear Joy, Instead of getting engaged as planned for Christmas, my daughter and her boyfriend decided to get married over the Christmas holiday.

He is in the Navy and his upcoming deployment in February was the reason for the change in plans.

He is currently stationed in Hawaii and recently flew home to be married to my daughter in a quick civil ceremony.

After a few days, he returned to Hawaii. Only our immediate family attended and then we had a celebration dinner and and a small cake.

At the end of this new year, on their first year anniversary, they would like to renew their vows and have the formal wedding ceremony and reception they missed. So, here are my questions. Is it appropriate to send out wedding announcements to all our family and friends to inform them of the marriage?

Our intention is to let everyone know that she was married.

Also, is it okay to throw a shower for my daughter even though she is already married? And if so, when should this take place? Anytime within the year or closer to the renewal ceremony?

I don’t want my daughter to miss out on all the pre-wedding events that we didn’t have time to plan. I would appreciate your advice. Kelli

Dear Kelli,

It is appropriate to send out a wedding announcement to family and friends. Along with the announcement, you may want to include a note saying that a renewal of vows and a more formal reception will be celebrated at the end of the year and that details will be forthcoming.

The wedding announcement with the additional information will give your family and friends the opportunity to congratulate the couple now but at the same time, let them be aware that a more formal celebration will take place at a later date.

I believe that in this situation, family and friends will want to support the “troop(s)”, so I suspect that a delayed bridal shower will not be frowned upon. A shower is usually scheduled closer to the celebration, however with their situation I would schedule it according to the couple’s convenience.

The festivities for a renewal ceremony can be simple or elaborate. If your daughter desires to have a renewal of vows in a house of worship, she will need to contact the religious officiant for guidelines and restrictions.

Many marriage renewals do not include a large number of participants, such as bridesmaids and ushers, and often are less extravagant productions. Furthermore, the bride usually does not wear a veil, since it is a traditional symbol of purity.

And, like in a remarriage, the bride is not given away.

Dear Joy,

My niece was married at the end of October. I did not attend her wedding because I was hospitalized. I have not seen her since the summer and she never came to visit me at the hospital or at home during my recuperation.

My sister seemed surprised that I didn’t send her daughter a wedding gift. I told my sister that if my niece wants a present, she needs to come and visit.

I almost died and she didn’t seem to care enough to visit. She was always “too busy” to stop by. I think I’ve been “too busy recuperating” to send her a present. My sister thinks I am being vindictive. Do you agree?

Elaine

Dear Elaine,

I think it was hurtful and inconsiderate for your niece not to visit.

However, I think your attitude perpetuates the problem and does not improve the situation.

Send the present along with your best wishes. Your behavior will be a shining example to your niece.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.