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A bride and her mother in heated debate over wedding gown styles

4 min read

Dear Joy, My wedding is around the corner, and the fear that my mother’s attitude towards my style would get in the way, has come to life. I take pride in my unique sense of style, right down to the shades of pink in my hair.

Though my mother doesn’t always approve, she has tolerated my style over the years. Unfortunately, when my mother and I went shopping for my wedding gown, sparks flew, and we had to leave the store because our argument was getting out of hand. My mother has it in her mind that my wedding gown must be completely old fashioned, which is nothing that I would fancy myself wearing.

Will you please give me some advice on how to deal with my mother? I don’t want to disappoint her or get into an even bigger fight, but I do want to wear something that makes me feel beautiful. I doubt I can feel that way in the 18th century gowns my mother had lined up at the bridal shop. Please help! Different Style Daughter

Dear DSD,

Sounds to me as if you should have done some preliminary work together before you ventured out to a bridal salon. Bridal magazines are filled with the latest styles, and are usually poured over by brides, and their mothers, long before they begin their shopping experience.

A peruse through the pages of a bridal magazine usually helps to prepare both mother and daughter for what lies ahead-usually a difference of opinion in style. And since you are in your home and not in public, it is at this point in the process that sparks can fly.

Many brides don’t skip that important first step, and they still have a difference of opinion at the bridal salon. Because they soon discover that the gowns that look great in the latest magazine, unfortunately may not look as terrific on them. The model’s figure, make-up, lighting and hair design enhance the gown’s appearance on the magazine’s glossy pages. And unless the bride brings along a lighting and make-up and hair crew, she may be slightly disappointed.

Many bridal salons have bridal gowns in sample sizes, from which they order. If the bride is smaller or larger than the sample size, the sample gown will not flatter the bride. And it is at this point, the bride and her mom will need to use their imagination to envision a proper fit.

If you are tempted to leave mom at home the next time you venture out to a bridal salon, it is important to remember that a mother wants her daughter to look beautiful on her wedding day. Typically, mothers are the most objective people to bring along on a bridal gown shopping experience. Sadly, many girlfriends and sisters are not quite as objective, because subconsciously, a sense of competition may color their opinion. Fortunately, a bride can usually count on her mom to be completely honest about the most flattering style. Unfortunately, sometimes that honesty can hurt.

Your mom has “tolerated your style over the years,” and probably hopes that she can finally influence you in this important decision. Give her the courtesy of trying on a few gowns in the style she prefers. She may see that the style doesn’t quite complement your unique sense of style-and pink hair. Then try on a few of styles you prefer. I believe that a compromise between the two looks can be reached, and when you discover the gown, you will both know it.

If sparks fly again, consider a visit to a seamstress and discuss a custom made design that can incorporate details that will make you both happy. Or take a trek to a few vintage shops, and look for a retro gown that might appeal to your sense of style and please your mom’s sense of tradition.

Joy’s Bridal Tip: When you consider your bridal apparel and tux selections, keep in mind your wedding photographs. Trendy colors and designs don’t always stand the test of time. Traditional wedding apparel and hairstyles are classic, and look less dated in wedding photographs.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.

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