The bride’s father has two major roles – funding and giving his daughter away
I recently watched the original “Father of the Bride” movie which starred Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor. The movie depicted a father’s reaction to the news of his daughter’s impending marriage, the subsequent planning, and his role in the festivities. Many of you probably saw the remake with Steve Martin and Diane Keaton in the 1990’s. Both movies portrayed devoted and loving fathers who had to come to grips with their daughters’ interest and love for another man.
In the United States, the father of the bride has had two traditional roles to play in a wedding. One, he contributes to the wedding budget. Two, he gives the bride away.
The first role, financier to the wedding budget, is dependent upon the size of his bank account and how much the bride and groom, and the groom’s family are willing to contribute.
The second role, bestower of the bride, is dependent upon the relationship between he and the bride.
Both roles can be an emotional and difficult proposition for the father, and are often disregarded in the excitement of planning.
Let’s first look at how the budget can place a strain on the father.
Let’s face it. Many families do not have the financial resources to pay for an extravagant wedding. A large number of household budgets are typically tight for monthly expenses; college costs, retirement concerns, and health expenses place an additional strain on the budget. Even a modest wedding can place a terrible financial burden on the shoulders of a parent.
Many fathers find it difficult to admit to their daughter, “I can’t afford to give you the wedding you have always dreamed about.”
So many of those dads will take out loans they can’t afford to pay back, empty retirement saving accounts that will cost them exorbitant taxes and penalties and jeopardize their retirement income, or drain the equity on their homes with home equity loans. And many of these fathers have more than one daughter…
And then the father is asked to perform the second role-to give the bride away. The act of “giving the bride away” in marriage is quite symbolic and appears to be quite an old-fashioned tradition to a modern bride; however, the act is important for the father and is typically wrought with emotion.
The father may believe intellectually that the bride is mature enough and ready to marry; however, emotionally, he may struggle with intense feelings of loss.
He must to come grips with the fact that he is handing over his daughter to another man.
And with that realization, he will question the worthiness of his new son-in-law.
Even though brides will be busy during the planning process, they should give some consideration to the feelings of their dads, and their role in the wedding process. It is far easier for a bride to leave her father for a new life with a man she has chosen, than it is for a dad to let her daughter go. For him it is the end of an era, and the loss of a daughter.
K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.