Domestic abuse victim recounts living in fear
For 24 years, the Uniontown woman lived in fear. She was downgraded, hit and pushed to the ground.
Her husband wouldn’t allow her out of the house. She remembered when he locked her inside, barring the windows and placing locks on the doors.
She was called “fat” and “ugly” when she weighed 110 pounds.
The verbal abuse went on for so long that she believed it was true.
The 59-year-old woman, who declined to further be identified, withstood the physical abuse until she came close to death.
Her first husband held her at gunpoint. Her daughter walked in, alerted the authorities and her husband went to jail. She took the opportunity to escape.
“For 23 years, I thought it was my fault,” she said. “If my daughter hadn’t come that day, I’d be dead today.”
She said God ensured her survival so she can raise her children and grandchildren, who have had their own experiences with domestic violence and have been instilled with the immediate instinct that no man should lay a hand on them.
“They teach you that you have to be there and you have to have them or you can’t survive,” she said. “There’s no changing them. It’s a sickness.”
A 39-year-old Fairchance resident and domestic abuse survivor is well aware of that sickness. Her late husband would come home drunk and take his anger and aggression out on her in the form of abuse.
Ten times she left throughout the course of their several year relationship, but she always went back out of fear. She was always looking over her shoulder, expecting to find him there.
“It got to the point where I didn’t want to leave the house,” she said. “My self-esteem was low. …When he felt bad, he would apologize and it was the honeymoon phase all over again. I stayed because I didn’t have the self-esteem or confidence to leave.”
But, she reached a breaking point when he raised a lamp to her child.
She warned other girls to watch for the warning signals that their partner could be an abuser. Over protectiveness, isolation and/or wanting to control where you go and what you wear, for example, can serve as warning signals.
Today, both women have used their past lives to their advantage, leading careers centered around helping others going through similar situations.
The women were among the survivors who took part in a candlelight vigil Wednesday night to raise awareness of domestic violence and hopefully prompt people to help eradicate the existence of the social problem.
Domestic Violence Services of Fayette County organized the vigil that took place in front of the Fayette County Courthouse.
Stories of the survivors and the number of victims the non-profit has helped are proof that the problem of domestic violence is real and exists in Fayette County. Domestic Violence Services assisted 492 women and men and 107 children in 2004-05 and an excess of 15,000 men, women and children since its inception on Dec. 18, 1977.
“Last year alone, we helped over 72 victims,” said Executive Director Gloria Mickens-Flippen. “With your help, we will be able to eradicate this problem.”
Fayette County Commissioner Angela Zimmerlink read a proclamation recognizing October as “Domestic Violence Awareness Month.” Zimmerlink said domestic violence affects people, no matter their age, race, sexual orientation or religious background.
Fayette County Commissioner Vince Vicites added, “We all need to realize how bad this problem is in Fayette County and do everything we can to improve conditions everyday.”
As part of the month’s effort to raise awareness, people are encouraged to display purple ribbons and also to participate in the Domestic Violence Services’ Cash Bash at the Masontown Volunteer Fire Department on Oct. 15. For tickets to that event, call 724-437-2530.
Grant and community funding is imperative for the organization to stay afloat, especially in the time of financial crisis it is experiencing now, said Mickens-Flippen.
She added, “For 28 long years we fought the fight and we’ll continue to fight. We too have been survivors. It’s not easy to work with. Domestic violence is one of the largest calls police respond to.”
And because of the difficulty of the job, Domestic Violence Services honored one of its own: Tim Soxman, a 20-year board member who served as board president and vice president during his tenure thus far. He was awarded the 2005 Star award for his service.
Mickens-Flippen said Soxman has been very instrumental in helping the non-profit secure funding and he also helped to remodel the local emergency shelter several years ago.
Soxman said his work becomes meaningful with success stories of those who have survived domestic violence.
Mickens-Flippen noted that the most important step for someone to take if they are in a situation of domestic violence is to “make that call” so a counselor can help.
To reach the 24-hour domestic violence service hotline, call 724-439-9500. An emergency shelter is available. All help is free and confidential.