Sep 4, 2005 4 min read

Dear Joy, Last night we sat down with our parents and began the guest list for our wedding. Our budget can afford a wedding for 150 guests. Our mothers came up with guests we haven’t seen in years. Where do we draw the line without hurting feelings? Lena and Mark

Dear Lena and Mark,

The guest list can be pared down with some simple cross the board guidelines.

Eliminate:

Anyone from the list who does not know you or your parents well.

Second or third cousins. If one of your second or third cousins is your best friend have him or her in the wedding party, or be prepared to invite every cousin.

Parents’ work colleagues or business acquaintances.

Dates of single guests. If guests are married, co-habitating, or engaged, you need to invite their significant other. Wedding party participants should be allowed to bring a guest.

Remember that you and your parents do not need to reciprocate wedding invitations to people whose wedding you were invited. A simple explanation that you are having a small family wedding should suffice.

Dear Joy,

We just announced our engagement and set the date for next spring. I am unsure whom I should ask to be my matron of honor. I would like to ask my cousin. We are very close and have been all our lives. But if I ask my cousin, my good friend might feel bad. We have not been real close lately, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Is it OK to have 2 matrons of honor? Meg

Dear Meg,

It is not uncommon to have a “maid of honor” and a “matron of honor” at the same time. It is more unusual to have two “maids” or two “matrons.”

Often, a bride with two sisters will not want to play favorites, and will have two honor attendants. I would hesitate to divide the honor between a family member and a non-family member, though.

Personally, I feel that it diminishes the “honor” if you divide the role between two people. The role and title are special as you are honoring the person whom you bestow it upon. It appears that your relationship with your cousin has been very special and will continue to be. If you ask her to be your honor attendant, she shouldn’t have to share this special role.

You state that you and your friend “have not been real close lately.” I don’t believe you should divide the honor and diminish its significance for your cousin, as you try to mend fences with your friend.

Wedding Traditions:

We have all heard the favorite wedding verse:

“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a lucky penny in your shoe.”

Here is the rhyme and reason behind it:

“Something old” establishes continuity with the past.

Wear an heirloom piece of jewelry borrowed from grandma or carry your mother’s bridal handkerchief.

“Something new” gives hope for the future. If you are wearing a new gown, you have this covered.

“Something borrowed” comes from the superstition that happiness is transferred from others. Borrow something from a happily married friend and you will have a happy future.

“Something blue” represents fidelity, purity and love.

To Roman Catholics, blue is associated with the Virgin Mary. Brides from Israel wear a blue ribbon on their wedding day to display fidelity and purity. Many American brides wear a blue garter under their gown.

“And a penny in your shoe” ensures a married life with good fortune.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at

bridejoy@yahoo.com.

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