Women talk of sexual assaults at rally
CALIFORNIA – Consider an 11-year-old babysitter who is surprised when the father whose children she is watching returns home early, and then shocked and confused when he proceeds to sexually assault her. A seventh-grade girl is preparing for lunch at school when the janitor pulls her into the closet, sexually assaults her and then returns her to the lunch line as if nothing had happened.
A 14-year-old sits in her English class listening to her teacher sing the words to a poem she had written weeks before. The same 37-year-old teacher is having sex with her several times a week, bringing her wine and marijuana to each encounter. The student, who doesn’t know better, thinks it is all very romantic and the teacher is certainly going to leave his family some day so that he can marry her.
A teenager wakes up one morning after smoking marijuana on a date, and though she can’t remember the previous night, she knows that something she didn’t ask for had happened.
At California University of Pennsylvania’s 12th annual Take Back the Night rally and march on Thursday, Brenda Baum, now a sexual assault counselor, told a large crowd of young men and women that all of these incidents of rape and sexual assault had happened to her.
“Each time I was violated, I felt that something was broken or jaded within me,” said Baum. “I believed that I must have been created for the twisted pleasure of others. It never occurred to me that I had the right to stop these men from doing these things to me.”
Baum said she came to speak at the rally to show people who had been assaulted, even repeatedly, that there is hope and it is possible to move on. She also wanted to get people who have forced or manipulated someone into something they were not willing to do to “be honest with themselves.”
“It may sound strange but I have actually come to a point where I thank God for my experiences because I see the power of what I do today as a sexual assault counselor,” said Baum, telling anyone who has had similar experiences that there is help and hope for healing.
Baum reminded those who gathered in opposition to violence and sexual assault to always let their voices be heard and take a stand against these violations against people.
“I propose that we begin today and consider the power we have to affect the lives of others,” said Baum.
Nancy Skobel, project director for the university’s P.E.A.C.E (Prevention, Education, and Advocacy for Change and Empowerment) Project, provided some shocking statistics about violence and sexual assault.
She said that one in four girls and one in six boys will be a victim of sexual assault before their 18th birthday. One in three women will be a victim of rape or attempted rape at some time in their lives, and 84 percent of rapes involve acquaintances.
At least 91 out of every 100 domestic violence victims are women, and a woman is beaten every 15 seconds.
Tim Susick, interim vice president at the university, spoke out against such acts at the rally.
“It is the social norm that when someone makes a derogatory remark about someone of another race, people will stand up and say ‘that is not right,’ or ‘that is unacceptable,'” said Susick. “People think of sexual violence as a women’s issue but it is really a men’s issue. Men, when we hear derogatory remarks about women, we need to stand up and say it is not right, not appreciated, and not acceptable. Take a stand against violence against women so that this will be the social norm.”
Anika Tillery, a senior at Cal U, and a survivor of rape, also shared her experience with the crowd.
Tillery said she didn’t have a very nice childhood, as she was teased a lot by others because she was skinny and they said her skin was too dark. She was made to believe that she was ugly. When she was a teenager, she ran into two boys who were older than her, and they said she was pretty and asked her to hang out with them. After all those years of thinking she was ugly, she was flattered by their remarks but didn’t know if she should go anywhere with the boys.
“I decided that I would walk in the opposite way that they would probably go and if I didn’t see them, I would know not to hang out with them,” said Tillery. “But I ran into them. We went to hang out and that’s when it happened.”
Tillery said that after the rape, she felt very badly about herself, and although she tried to hide how she felt from others, her life “spiraled down.”
“I got involved in some very bad things and I was with men who didn’t respect me, but I didn’t respect myself,” said Tillery.
She said it was a “strong faith in God” that helped her hold on and eventually heal from the experience.
“My mother said if you commit suicide, it’s like saying there is no hope, and that means there is no God,” said Tillery. “But she said there is a God, and that means there is hope. That is what kept me holding on as long as I did.”
She recalled a day in church when the minister said someone was hurting and needed to let go, and Tillery went to the alter and cried.
“It felt so good to let it all out,” said Tillery.
She has since written an article about her experience that has been published in some magazines, because she said she knew there was no sense holding it in any longer when she could help other people.
“I want people to see that I have accomplished so much at Cal and will go on to do much more,” said Tillery. “I had a past where something bad happened but it no longer defines who Anika is. My whole life I didn’t believe in me or love me, but now I’m the most confident woman you will ever meet. I am so open to life and exploring new things and I am having a wonderful time.”
Tillery shared with the group her favorite scripture, Psalm 30:5, which says, “…weeping lasts for a night but joy comes in the morning.” She said she wanted to let anyone who has been victimized to know there is help, and “tomorrow is a brighter day.”