Apr 23, 2006 3 min read

Dear Joy, My future mother-in-law is a super sweet woman who has really embraced me into the family. She has three sons and appears to be happy to “finally have a daughter.”

My mother passed away when I was 12, so I really am happy to have her as a mom.

However, she has expressed a desire for me to wear her wedding gown. She said she had a “surprise” for me the last time I visited. She pulled a gown out of a preservation box and said she would be “honored” if I considered wearing it. I was shocked. I didn’t know what to say. The gown is quite lovely but it isn’t my style. I even have a gown that belonged to my mother that I could wear.

Neither style though, is my “dream” gown. I didn’t say “yes” but the longer that I let this drag on the harder it will get.

What do you suggest? Name Withheld

Dear NW,

A direct and honest approach is the best approach.

Considering the fact that you have your mother’s gown too, I would suggest that you tell her how it would be hard for you to choose between the two.

Even though you didn’t mention it, I suspect if you chose your mother-in-law’s gown over your mother’s gown that would be hard for your father. I do believe it would be best if you choose a gown that will be uniquely your own. Bring your mother-in-law with you when you shop for a new gown. I am sure she will be happy to be included, and it would illustrate that you value her opinion – like that of a mother. Sometimes a bride will incorporate materials from an heirloom gown into a new gown. A creative seamstress can use lace or fabric pieces to ornament a simple gown.

Often, a bride will shop with a veil or headpiece that was worn by a mother, too. Matching colors can be a challenge, since the passage of time tends to turn white fabrics ivory or yellow. But often it is worth the sentimental effort to incorporate tradition.

Dear Joy,

My daughter had a bridal shower last weekend. She received three gifts by mail from family members who live out-of-state. I think she needs to call them to acknowledge receipt of the gift. She thinks a thank-you note is sufficient. What do you think?

Dear Mom,

Both actions are needed. A call, as soon as a present arrives, is the best approach. The phone call acknowledges receipt. It can alleviate any concern that the present did not arrive in a timely manner. A thank-you note should also be written, since the note states appreciation for the gift.

K. Joy Schaeffer is a bridal consultant. You can e-mail her your bridal questions at bridejoy@yahoo.com.